The narrator poses a series of questions that are the kind she has come across in "stupid online quizzes" that deal with the general question of "what lies you're willing to tell," such as "will you be the type of parent who tells lies about Santa Claus? The tooth fairy? The birds and the bees and death?" (43).
Later, when she tells her son a lie about Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, she insists that she "wanted to put the least possible number of lies into the atmosphere of our home, like they were exhaust fumes that would be bad to breathe in, that could stunt growth" (46).
Do you think adults tend to hide too much of the truth from children or do they expose them too early to truths they are not yet ready to confront?
When is it ok to hide truths from a loved one if you know that their emotional reaction might be both negative and inappropriate?
How important do you think it is to tell stories without exaggeration?
I honestly prefer to just tell kids the truth, albeit through more subtle and indirect means according to their age. While you don't want to scare or confuse a child with a subject that could even traumatize them if presented poorly, I often find that outright lying about it is just as unhelpful and problematic. If they take you literally and you never take the time to correct the record later on, they may end up believing what you told them first for a long time, which can definitely hinder their maturity and knowledge of the world. It's better to be honest, whether that be telling the truth however you can then and there, or simply being straight and saying you don't think they are ready to be able to understand it yet. Those are the only two ways to avoid the most potential problems that lying or poor framing can cause.
ReplyDeleteI believe that it all depends on what the lie or truth is about. Something as simple as Santa Claus doesn't make a real difference in the child's childhood whether you lie to them or tell the truth. However, when your kid asks a question about something that may be a little more serious, like a death of someone they knew for example, I think its better to tell a slightly watered down truth so they are not scared, but so they also understand what happened so they aren't confused.
ReplyDeleteI agree there are some things that do not harm a child to lie to them about, like the wonder of Santa Claus, but other more serious things that may affect the child long term should be talked about in a gentler way. Explaining things to children instead of hiding them will help them process harder and heavier truths in the long run.
DeleteAdults who tell stories of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are enhancing wonder, through lies yes but a childhood without wonder is a childhood that feels a lot more like living your entire life in middle age. However, the parents who hide life from the child are the ones who often refuse to let their child grow up, that is when lying becomes too much and stunts the child. An example, lying about death. A fish, a hamster, a loved one. Death should never be hidden from anyone, as it is a part of life. That goes for those whose reactions might be extreme or inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteStories are often exaggerated; they are stories often fiction and for entertainment. It's the tales of our lives that we should not exaggerate. Real life already feels fictional enough, tell it how it is.
I think that adults tend to hide too much of the truth from children as they believe that they are either not ready to hear it or simply too young. I was very sheltered as a child, so I know the feeling well of not knowing something that your parents obviously do and are hiding from you. While I do think it is ok to hide some things from loved ones when it is to protect them from unnecessary ugly truths, I also believe that keeping too much hidden can leave the child much too innocent for the world. With too much innocents in adulthood it is quite easy to be seen as ignorant, and that could lead to being taken advantage of by others.
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