The phrase "The heart wants what the heart wants," which the author references on page 131, is sometimes used to justify, explain, or rationalize a decision that may seem irrational or unkind, as when people try to explain to each other why they are breaking up, why they have fallen out of love with one person or fallen in love with another.
To what extent are we, in fact, subject to the whims of our hearts? Is falling in and out love something that we have no control over?
If that is the case, what is the purpose of a marriage vow?
Earlier, the narrator reported that "a small part of me wants to fight. Fight for us. . . . For the kids, for the family. For the picture Noah and Lily had in their heads of us, the crayon renderings of which were hung up all over the house. For the marriage, for the younge rversion of ourseles who stood up in front of a room of people we loved and earnestly made promises we thought we could keep. for the poeple we were when we met and for hte people we thought we could grow into together" (6). Ultimately, though, she does not choose to fight.
If Sam has fallen out of love with the narrator and fallen in love with Maggie, what argument can be made against his decision to get a divorce?
Consider the narrator's earlier comments about how Sam's "earnest search for bliss and self seemed flighty" (38). Is the narrator suggesting that seeking happiness and self-realization should not always be someone's goal?
I do feel as though that we do make irrational decisions due to the whims of hearts, but I do not believe a person is able to randomly fall in and out of love out of nowhere, or that we have no control over it. Real love is something that grows from time, while real love can lessen due to actions either party is making. If someone changes through a marriage, that could cause the other party to lose interest over time. Infatuation, though, can happen out of nowhere though due to the not fully developed understanding of the other party. I don't believe there is a great argument to be made for Sam not to divorce the narrator due to the fact that Sam broke the trust of his wife by taking actions, like cheating. I do believe people who slowly fall out of love are able to fall back into love, such as spending more time with the other party, going to therapy, or slowing down the relationship. Wedding vows, in my opinion, are a promise to try and overcome obstacles due to the love you have for each other. Sam avoided the issues and instead cheated. I believe the narrator is trying to say the first thoughts or goals of happiness aren't always the correct ones, like how Sam took cheating for outside happiness instead of trying to find happiness again in his marriage.
ReplyDeleteI think that you put it beautifully. I agree that people may get into relationships due to infatuation or what people call the "honeymoon phase", and that a relationship is upkept through commitment and effort on both parties. However, there are some cases in which people simply become incompatible because people change a lot over the course of their lives. It is important to recognize when a relationship simply will not work because they have different life goals and have changed as people. Of course, this is only acceptable in the case that both parties have attempted various times to reconcile their differences before fully exhausting their options. Even though people may become incompatible, it in no way excuses actions such as cheating in a relationship. Cheating is in no way acceptable because it involves refusing to communicate with the other party, which is a betrayal of their love and trust. Cheating is simply put, immoral.
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