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| "Father Knows Best" (1954-1960) |
Henry offers Frankie the following advice: "Ask for help when you need it. Count on the people who love you and, mostly, count on yourself. One day at a time. Get a sponsor. Find your passion" (434)
Is all of this sound and helpful advice? Could it be argued that Frankie counted on some people she believed loved her--her parents, Rye, and, in an abstract sense, her fellow citizens, her country and her government--and they let her down?
How do you know who loves you most? If people let you down, does that mean they didn't love you?
And when she was disappointed by each of them in turn, didn't counting on herself, to the extent that it was isolating, worsen her problems?
For a time, wasn't Rye her passion?
Does Henry have something to offer Frankie that is more important than these words?
In this passage Henry is urging Frankie to trust other people even though it be difficult for her because her trust has been broken in the past. Humans allow themselves to rely on other people because they don’t realize that they are not able to do everything by themselves. Even though it would be difficult Frankie needed to reach out to her family and friends and be brave and vulnerable. Frankie needed her family and friend’s support to become a better version of herself.
ReplyDeleteThe people who love Frankie will eventually let her down again, but what matters is that they were apologetic and genuinely trying to amend their mistakes. Rye lied to Frankie with the intent of lying to her again to take advantage of her so her could keep both his wife and girlfriend. In contrast, Frankie’s parents were genuinely sorry for disrespecting her and her experiences. They will never try to hurt her or drive her away ever again especially when their time together is so short. Frankie learns that what truly matters is that people care about you and aim to treat you better in the future because they care about you not because they want to take advantage of you. Love is what makes life truly great. The love that Frankie showed people love in Vietnam and showed people love on her ranch made all the difference.
Rye was never Frankie’s passion because passion is not a person. Passion in this sense doesn’t mean love or attraction. It means a purpose or a goal that someone works towards to give back that brings them joy. At the end of the book Frankie discovers that her passion is giving back to her community by helping women like her. This is one of the best pieces of advice Henry could give to Frankie. However, he also offers something better than this advice. He offers his support and care. Henry truly cares about Frankie and will be a good friend to her in the years to come through all the hard stuff that comes her way.
For the most part, Henry’s point is sound, but I want to put emphasis on a specific part of the excerpt: Count on people who love you. An argument some people might use against Henry’s statement is how Frankie relied on Rye emotionally and how that furthered Frankie’s mental breakdown, but I don’t believe Rye never truly loved Frankie. The same could be said about the citizens, country, and government of the United States. She sought support from people or ideas that couldn’t care less about her.
ReplyDeleteThis is not a unique problem. Many people, including myself, rely on people who don’t really love us or have our best interests in mind. It can be hard to discern who loves us and who doesn’t. I think the easiest way to determine how someone truly feels about you is to examine when they’re there for you. To use The Women as an example, Rye is never around for Frankie when it’s inconvenient for him, while Barb and Ethel are willing to fly out on a whim if Frankie needs anything.
People letting you down does not inherently mean they don’t love you. We are all flawed, and when we are supporting those around us, sometimes we fall short. However, people that love each support each other, so if disappointment is common, then the connection isn’t truly loving.
Because of this, it’s often easy to go on with our lives independently, like Frankie did. Independence is important, but isolation is extremely harmful. As seen in Frankie’s case, without any sort of support system outside of herself, she spirals, leading to her eventual confinement in the psych ward. People are inherently social creatures, and while some of us may need less outside support than others, everyone needs some more of a loving relationship.
I think what Henry offers to Frankie that is more important than the words he says is presence. From my own life experiences, I find that it doesn’t matter that much what people say to me, but more that they’re there for me in the first place. The fact that Henry is there for Frankie in the first place shows his care for her, and his words are just the icing on the cake.
How do you know who loves you most? If people let you down, does that mean they didn't love you?
ReplyDeleteYou could say that you know who loves you by the things that person does for you or buys you, but I believe that you know who loves you by a feeling that can't be mistaken for any other. I think that is how I know who truly loves me the most.
If someone were to let me down, I wouldn't say that means they don't love me. We are all human, and at the end of the day, we all make mistakes and let down the people we love the most. It's about how and why we let that person down, and what we did to fix it. It is truly about the morality of it all.
I agree with you. that is good advice. It is hard to be 100% perfect but you can do everything in your power to help others.
DeleteIt's good advice. People will always let others down because nobody is perfect or obligated to fit someone else's perception. They definitely let her down and had some conflict. You can tell who loves you based on who will build with you. A person's actions and motives will reveal themselves and show that they truly care. Time is beautiful in that way. It does not mean they don't love you if they let you down. Sometimes people are stubborn and make mistakes. Sometimes they have to put themselves first or they don't know how to change. Frankie's father for example was stubborn and didn't want to accept her as a war hero, but he cried for her and was there and in the end he grew. She did make things worse by isolating herself. A person should rely mostly on themselves, but still have people there when they need it. Rye was her passion and that was part of her problem. She was stuck in the past and on what could have been. She had an obsession and an idealization of a person who did not live up to it. Passions come from within and in knowing how one's life experience got them to where they are. A passion wouldn't destroy a person.
ReplyDelete