Frankie "felt stripped bare by her parents' shame" (232). Given what you've read so far, why would you say her parents might feel ashamed of her? Try to imagine and articulate their thoughts and feelings as clearly and as generously as possible.
In Frankie’s family women and men are expected to follow specific paths based on their sex and any deviation from the path brings shame. This is best shown by the Hero’s Wall where women are pictured in wedding gowns and men are pictured in uniforms. Frankie’s father was unable to serve his country like the men in his family, which cause him a great sense of shame. His way of making up for his shameful lack of service was by making sure his children followed the paths set out for them. That is why he strongly encourages Finely to join the war and why he strongly discourages Frankie from joining the war. Frankie’s mother was taught that she was to be a wife, a mother, and a socialite. She wants the same life for her daughter, so she tries to set her up in society and on the “correct path”. Frankie’s mother doesn’t realize that Frankie could want something and be happy with different life choices. Even after Frankie is gone, her father lies for her to cover up the shameful actions she took in his eyes. Her parents try to get Frankie to move on so she can finally take the appropriate life path with marriage. Additionally, marriage might seem like the moral and right choice to them due to tradition and religion. They learn to accept Frankie just the way she is and the fact that she will have a different life than they imagined. At the end of the book, they stop feeling ashamed of her after they see all the good Frankie has brought to former nurse, soldiers, and herself. They are proud of their daughter and wished they would have treated her better instead of forcing their expectations on her.
I think Frankie's family views her as almost a failure. She broke the gender roles her family created. I think they view her as the black sheep of the family. Frankie's family seem to have had her life planned out for her and it was hard for them to come to terms with her not wanting the future they did. I thin it would have been especially hard to watch your daughter go to the same war that killed your son. I think they should've been more supportive of Frankie, but they thought they could change her mind instead.
Question- Frankie’s mother is said to emphasize appearance, which seems to be the root cause of her shame for her daughter. During their time, women were to be soft and delicate. They were to get married and take care of their families. Frankie's going to war shatters that ideology as she enters a “manly” position. Additionally, when Frankie returns, she has unkept hair, no makeup, and a sharp tongue. In all actuality, I believe that her mother was shocked, but a lot of the shame aspect is pressured into the mother by Frankie’s father. Moving on to her father, I believe he is more ashamed of himself and is pushing that self-loathing onto Frankie. Earlier in the book, it states that he was unable to enlist but had a deep love and sense of pride for the military. He is also said to boast about stories of the military that weren’t his so often that others forgot the fact that he never enlisted. Therefore, having his daughter join the military in times when women were seen as a lesser sex seemed to be a major hit to his pride.
Frankie's parents feel ashamed of her because she did not do what was expected of her. Frankie, to them, was supposed to marry and have kids. Instead, she decided to join the army. To them, she did something that is forbidden. She defied gender norms for their family. Only the men were meant to be warriors. They were unwritten rules. She also defied the gender norms in society. That gives them great shame. They felt so embarrassed about what she did that they hid what she was actually doing. I imagine, too, that Connor feels a little emasculated, as he never actually went to war. Meanwhile, his daughter did.
Frankie’s parents were ashamed of her because she did not fit into the box they thought a woman as her should conform in. Frankie had always admired her dad’s hero wall. She thought that being the first woman up there would make her parents so proud, however it did quite the opposite. Frankie’s actions were not accepted by them because it did not fit into the life they created. They were a nice family, who served when needed and were friends to many. Frankie’s involvement in the war embarrassed the family. Not many women were involved in the war, and this would separate the family from what was considered normal. One of the main matters that stuck with me from this book was how her family hid the fact that Frankie had gone off to war to serve her time. They created a story that they felt would save their “perfect” structure of a family.
It is clear we know a bit about how Frankie felt about her parent’s actions; however, I tried throughout the whole book to imagine what her parents were feeling as well. I’ll try to imagine it as if i was the dad.
The war that I wanted my son to fight in killed him. I feel partly responsible for that, even if everyone tells me its not my fault. I pressured him into it. If i never did, he would still be here with me. I can’t handle that. It feels like a piece of me is gone. Then, my daughter enrolls in the army without me knowing to go fight in that same war without even telling me. I feel betrayed. I raised and protected her my entire life since she was a little girl and it feels like she is casting me to the side like I don’t matter to her. I am already grieving the loss of my son. Her actions are going against my family morals by enrolling. Then one day, she just leaves. I understand she has her own life and my grief is not her task, but I don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to lose her too. I grew up in a different generation, where men like me don’t express ourselves in that way. I know I should be kind to the only child I have left, but I can’t help but be closed off every time I talk to her. I can’t write to her because it would be too painful for me. I don’t know how to grief properly over my son and it feels like I am grieving over my daughter as well. I know I shouldn’t, but I almost feel angry towards my daughter for causing me this additional pain. This world has caused me so much hurt and everytime my daughter tries talking to me I end up projecting it all on her. I feel so bad about it, but I don’t know how to handle myself anymore. Its my job as a parent to handle it, but I feel like I can’t. I have always been the ship that steered my family, the man of the house, but I can’t guide my children in this volatile world. It has gone crazy and she should not have ever gotten involved with making it even crazier in a war I don’t even agree with.
I will never tell the rest of the family this either, but part of me deep down feels ashamed. Ashamed that my daughter, a woman, is fighting in a war, sacrificing her life on the frontlines while I am sitting at home not able to protect her or her now lost brother. I feel like less of a man, incompetent. My father and my grandfather fought for their country while I had to sit on the sidelines, and now, even my daughter is taking the mantle. I am a laughing stock, weak and powerless in this world. After her brothers death, I don’t know if I can forgive my daughter for abandoning me when I needed her most.. I feel alone without my children here and I am ashamed to admit it, but I need my little girl here. Not just physically present, I need the little girl I raised here.
In Frankie’s family women and men are expected to follow specific paths based on their sex and any deviation from the path brings shame. This is best shown by the Hero’s Wall where women are pictured in wedding gowns and men are pictured in uniforms. Frankie’s father was unable to serve his country like the men in his family, which cause him a great sense of shame. His way of making up for his shameful lack of service was by making sure his children followed the paths set out for them. That is why he strongly encourages Finely to join the war and why he strongly discourages Frankie from joining the war. Frankie’s mother was taught that she was to be a wife, a mother, and a socialite. She wants the same life for her daughter, so she tries to set her up in society and on the “correct path”. Frankie’s mother doesn’t realize that Frankie could want something and be happy with different life choices. Even after Frankie is gone, her father lies for her to cover up the shameful actions she took in his eyes. Her parents try to get Frankie to move on so she can finally take the appropriate life path with marriage. Additionally, marriage might seem like the moral and right choice to them due to tradition and religion. They learn to accept Frankie just the way she is and the fact that she will have a different life than they imagined. At the end of the book, they stop feeling ashamed of her after they see all the good Frankie has brought to former nurse, soldiers, and herself. They are proud of their daughter and wished they would have treated her better instead of forcing their expectations on her.
ReplyDeleteI think Frankie's family views her as almost a failure. She broke the gender roles her family created. I think they view her as the black sheep of the family. Frankie's family seem to have had her life planned out for her and it was hard for them to come to terms with her not wanting the future they did. I thin it would have been especially hard to watch your daughter go to the same war that killed your son. I think they should've been more supportive of Frankie, but they thought they could change her mind instead.
ReplyDeleteQuestion- Frankie’s mother is said to emphasize appearance, which seems to be the root cause of her shame for her daughter. During their time, women were to be soft and delicate. They were to get married and take care of their families. Frankie's going to war shatters that ideology as she enters a “manly” position. Additionally, when Frankie returns, she has unkept hair, no makeup, and a sharp tongue. In all actuality, I believe that her mother was shocked, but a lot of the shame aspect is pressured into the mother by Frankie’s father. Moving on to her father, I believe he is more ashamed of himself and is pushing that self-loathing onto Frankie. Earlier in the book, it states that he was unable to enlist but had a deep love and sense of pride for the military. He is also said to boast about stories of the military that weren’t his so often that others forgot the fact that he never enlisted. Therefore, having his daughter join the military in times when women were seen as a lesser sex seemed to be a major hit to his pride.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to change Anonymous, twas me Taylor Inselman. :)
DeleteFrankie's parents feel ashamed of her because she did not do what was expected of her. Frankie, to them, was supposed to marry and have kids. Instead, she decided to join the army. To them, she did something that is forbidden. She defied gender norms for their family. Only the men were meant to be warriors. They were unwritten rules. She also defied the gender norms in society. That gives them great shame. They felt so embarrassed about what she did that they hid what she was actually doing. I imagine, too, that Connor feels a little emasculated, as he never actually went to war. Meanwhile, his daughter did.
ReplyDeleteApologies, forgot to set my name.
DeleteFrankie’s parents were ashamed of her because she did not fit into the box they thought a woman as her should conform in. Frankie had always admired her dad’s hero wall. She thought that being the first woman up there would make her parents so proud, however it did quite the opposite. Frankie’s actions were not accepted by them because it did not fit into the life they created. They were a nice family, who served when needed and were friends to many. Frankie’s involvement in the war embarrassed the family. Not many women were involved in the war, and this would separate the family from what was considered normal. One of the main matters that stuck with me from this book was how her family hid the fact that Frankie had gone off to war to serve her time. They created a story that they felt would save their “perfect” structure of a family.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteIt is clear we know a bit about how Frankie felt about her parent’s actions; however, I tried throughout the whole book to imagine what her parents were feeling as well. I’ll try to imagine it as if i was the dad.
The war that I wanted my son to fight in killed him. I feel partly responsible for that, even if everyone tells me its not my fault. I pressured him into it. If i never did, he would still be here with me. I can’t handle that. It feels like a piece of me is gone. Then, my daughter enrolls in the army without me knowing to go fight in that same war without even telling me. I feel betrayed. I raised and protected her my entire life since she was a little girl and it feels like she is casting me to the side like I don’t matter to her. I am already grieving the loss of my son. Her actions are going against my family morals by enrolling. Then one day, she just leaves. I understand she has her own life and my grief is not her task, but I don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to lose her too. I grew up in a different generation, where men like me don’t express ourselves in that way. I know I should be kind to the only child I have left, but I can’t help but be closed off every time I talk to her. I can’t write to her because it would be too painful for me. I don’t know how to grief properly over my son and it feels like I am grieving over my daughter as well. I know I shouldn’t, but I almost feel angry towards my daughter for causing me this additional pain. This world has caused me so much hurt and everytime my daughter tries talking to me I end up projecting it all on her. I feel so bad about it, but I don’t know how to handle myself anymore. Its my job as a parent to handle it, but I feel like I can’t. I have always been the ship that steered my family, the man of the house, but I can’t guide my children in this volatile world. It has gone crazy and she should not have ever gotten involved with making it even crazier in a war I don’t even agree with.
I will never tell the rest of the family this either, but part of me deep down feels ashamed. Ashamed that my daughter, a woman, is fighting in a war, sacrificing her life on the frontlines while I am sitting at home not able to protect her or her now lost brother. I feel like less of a man, incompetent. My father and my grandfather fought for their country while I had to sit on the sidelines, and now, even my daughter is taking the mantle. I am a laughing stock, weak and powerless in this world. After her brothers death, I don’t know if I can forgive my daughter for abandoning me when I needed her most.. I feel alone without my children here and I am ashamed to admit it, but I need my little girl here. Not just physically present, I need the little girl I raised here.