If two adults are considering a physical relationship, how do you determine whether an age gap is too great? What role does gender play in this determination?
Would you encourage Frankie to consider a relationship with Henry?
Don't answer this question if you've already read ahead in the book and know what happens.
Image at left: Priyanka Chopra and her husband, Nick Jonas. At the time this photo was taken (George Pimental/Wire Image), in 2017, Chopra was 33 and Jonas was 23.
Question 1 and 2 Personally, whether or not age gaps in adulthood matter really depend on maturity, life experience, and power balance. I also think in adulthood it matters whether or not the people are at the same stage in life. Are they in their careers? Are they in school? College? High school, even? They can technically be considered legal adults at each point, but morality is another question. An 18 year old high school student is a legal adult but shouldn't be in a relationship with a much older person because it's morally wrong. The high schooler isn't able to make decisions at the same capacity as, say a senior in college, and a senior in college may not feel adequate compared to a settled person in the workforce. These kinds of differences in age and maturity invite power imbalances that are dangerous. So personally I would say, seek people who are at similar stages in life. Gender does matter, because there are a lot of cases where older men can be predatory to younger women. You can't ignore the statistics. I don't even mean a normal adult age gap, I mean the kind of age gaps you see where the men consistently find new girlfriends that are just barely legal. Now, it does happen in the reverse, so I won't downplay that either. Anyone can be a victim of grooming.
ReplyDeleteQuestion 3 For Frankie, I would say that's a personal judgment call. I think the first thing she should do if she's questioning it is just ask his age. Then really consider if that's the age of someone she's comfortable settling down with. I don't think there's harm in clarifying things like that.
I believe age doesn’t matter too much, as long as both people are adults and know the implications and potential judgement that will surround them concerning their relationship. At least, that’s I think on the surface. People must take into account the matters of how big is the age gap, is one in college and the other in a job, is one just in it for a chance at the will and receiving tons of money when the partner dies, is it a relationship that’s purely sexual like sugar mommies and sugar daddies, and so many other factors to take into account about such a thing. I believe gender is not something to be concerned about, people will aim for who they please and see if the other reciprocates. At least, nowadays when gender doesn’t solely decide who is the breadwinner and who is the designated nurturer like decades and decades ago. Frankie could certainly consider whether to pursue a relationship with Henry or not, but I really think she should wait it out for a while. She should make sure she is mentally and emotionally stable before she decides to commit to a relationship, considering her past lovers have died and it’s affected her greatly. I don’t think she’s the type of person to have kids now after all that’s happened and what she’s been through, so I’d say for Frankie to go for it and see how Henry feels about it. We’ll also see if he’s married or not like the other guy she fell for at Vietnam. -Zeeva Skidmore-Beaney
ReplyDeleteIf two adults are considering a physical relationship, how do you determine whether an age gap is too great? What role does gender play in this determination?
ReplyDeleteThe age gap isn't the problem, the level of maturity is. If an 18 year is in a relationship with a 25 year old it may come off as a bit weird even if the 18 year old is an adult. Men also mature slower than girls so if it was a younger boy and an older girl there might be some issues with agreeing on what seems like simple things. I think Frankie should wait to pursue Henry until she is mentally prepared to take care of her emotions as well as her significant other's.