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| "Forget It! Forget Me!" (1962) by Roy Lichtenstein |
When is "just forget it" good advice and when is it not?
What advice can you give someone to make it easier for them to heal from a trauma?
As you continue to read through this novel, pay attention to the way different characters deal with their own trauma, the trauma experienced by loved ones, and the trauma experienced by patients.
“Just forget it,” is not good advice when dealing with complex trauma and PTSD because if we bury those feelings and refuse to address them instead of learning to accept them and cope with them, then we never heal, and they will always resurface and cause us pain. The only time, “Just forget it.” is helpful is if it's related to a pointless argument in the past and holding onto it brings others pain. There are some things that need to be addressed, and other things that you need to let go of. My advice as someone going through something myself, is try not to compare yourself to others too much, and don't be too hard on yourself. Also, know this: It isn't cowardly to walk away from a fight. Sometimes that's all you can do to protect yourself and truly move on. That's just my tidbit.
ReplyDeleteTelling someone to "just forget it" is terrible advice. Even for an issue that is simple just forgetting it is not easy. When dealing with complicated traumas, it can make things worse by telling the person going through them to forget it. It almost seems like you're telling them to just get over it. It looks like you're trying to neglect their trauma and that it's their own fault. "Just forget it" is never good advice. I think the best advice you can give someone going through trauma would be to advise them to try new hobbies to keep them busy instead of just telling them to forget about it.
ReplyDeleteWhen is "just forget it" good advice and when is it not?
ReplyDeleteTelling someone to "just forget it" in cases such as Frankie's, or something that significantly impacted someone's life and mind, is never the right thing to say. It could cause that person to regress and turn to more harmful things instead of reaching out for help. While in most cases, telling someone to "just forget it" is not a beneficial thing to say, it can be used in cases such as when a meaningless argument has occurred, or even when someone cuts you off in traffic. It should never be said to someone in a serious circumstance, even if you can not understand the impact it has had on them.
If I were to be honked at while driving and I believed I was driving perfectly fine, unable to discern the reason behind their honk, it would stick with me, at least for the day. I would be lying in bed that night trying to remember all of the factors at play: Was I drifting into the other lane? Did I suddenly slow down? Was there any chance the honk was directed elsewhere? The question of why they honked is not one that I could feasibly come up with the correct answer to, as I do not know the driver of the other vehicle. In this situation, I would deem the suggestion to “just forget it” as decent advice; being it a one-off event with no consequences and an unobtainable answer, it could be a good idea to move on instead of keeping my head in the past. Although, it might be good for me to ask myself why I let that eat away at me so much before I let it go.
ReplyDeleteI do not think “just forget it” is ever the best advice, as if something is stuck on the mind then it is likely unresolved. Resolving an issue or negative thought is always better than compartmentalizing it. I hear stories all the time of people being put through extreme situations, such as an EMT running a bad call, then being told to “brush it off.” I then hear the latter half of the stories about how said person is now unemployed and struggling with addiction because they were never offered a listening ear for their problems, and they did not seek one out due to the fear of being seen as weak; all too common a tale. If you sweep too big an item under the rug, it's easy to trip on it later on.
My personal way of dealing with trauma is not one that I know if I would recommend, as it should be done warily: I just talk about it as if it were a normal conversational topic. I share my traumas with my friends, and from opening up to people I trust in such a casual way they are more willing to reply to it in a more casual way as well; this is what works best for me, as I am not one who finds solace in being comforted. I say this should be done warily because not everyone is ready to hear about a traumatic experience at any given time, even if it is not shared in a way that would bring negative emotions. The dynamic that this can bring in the conversation can sometimes allow for questions to be asked about the event, leaving me to think more deeply and better dissect the occurrence, as traumatic events can often be hard to interpret, rather being seen or described just as a headline that accompanies the dreadful emotions felt at the time. Being asked questions, as in this avenue or in therapy (also highly recommended), can help to add a real narrative that can be better reflected upon; journaling can do the same. Turning the feelings into words in some way or another as to decipher them seems to be an often recommended way to help deal with trauma, and for good reason.
The doctor at the VA encourages Frankie to "Just forget about Vietnam" (275).
ReplyDeleteWhen is "just forget it" good advice and when is it not?
The generation before Frankie seemed to “just forget it” in most cases however in many, if not all traumatic events I believe it is better to think about, talk about, and come to terms with the event. We see how bottling up emotions affected Frankie, and even her parents. It causes tension and anxiety which can be very hard to live with.
What advice can you give someone to make it easier for them to heal from a trauma?
My advice would be give it to God and pray about it. Talk to people who care about your wellbeing and find something you enjoy that will either get your mind off of the trauma or maybe even think through the trauma. Maybe consider therapy as well.
As you continue to read through this novel, pay attention to the way different characters deal with their own trauma, the trauma experienced by loved ones, and the trauma experienced by patients.
When is "just forget it" good advice and when is it not?
ReplyDelete"Just forget it" is good advice when it comes to dropping your bagel on the ground not something that deeply affects a person.
What advice can you give someone to make it easier for them to heal from a trauma?
It may seem hard now but if you give yourself the opportunity you can overcome anything. Have faith in yourself and the people who support you and try to look for the good things in life and the bad things will start to fade.
“Forget it” is good advice for when both sides of a disagreement realize that the matter is not worth stressing over. If the matter is not cared about deeply by both parties, then it is okay to move on from it. However if one side cares about a subject, then I think that the other side should validate their feelings and make an attempt to hear them out. In Frankie’s situation, this was not the advice she needed to hear. She experienced so much throughout her time in Vietnam, and those experiences are stuck with her for the rest of her life. She did not choose to witness some of the things that she did, and now she is unable to choose to forget those things. Frankie was helped the most when she knew she had people there to support her. I believe that having her feelings be known was something that helped her very much.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry this is Hannah Whitaker not anonymous! ^
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