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| "Beethoven's Trumpet" (with Ear)" (2007) by John Baldessari |
The narrator characterizes a good partner as "someone I want to tell my life to" (90), which is how she once thought of Sam.
What are the most important, overlooked, or underrated qualities of a good listener?
Are some people good listeners in general or is "good listening" specific to certain relationships in certain contexts?
I think the most important qualities of a good listener are patience and curiosity. Personally, I feel the most heard when the person I'm talking to lets me finish my story without interrupting, THEN adds their take or asks questions. I also really appreciate it when they engage in the conversation with facial expressions or other outward cues. It makes it seem as though they actually care about what you have to say. I think people are just good or bad listeners. I feel that you are either born a good listener or you have to work towards becoming one.
ReplyDeleteWhile I do agree that not interrupting and outward cues are important qualities of a good listener, I think that a more overlooked quality is asking questions. What I have found is it can be hard to talk about yourself for long periods of time so finding someone who asks thoughtful questions and genuinely cares about your answers is very important. I also think that this is a quality that can be hard to see that you lack so it is crucial to be aware. - Nina Benton
DeleteKylee, I agree with your ideas of what a good listener is: patient, curious, engaging with facial cues or hand gestures. I also agree that some people are naturally better at listening and that listening is a skill that can be developed with practice. However, while I think some people may be naturally more gifted in this area, I also believe a person's upbringing and the examples they have in their life play a significant role in shaping how well they listen. This is not to say that we as people don't have a responsibility to continue improving these skills, regardless of our natural abilities or background.
DeleteI agree that the ultimate quality in a good listener is curiosity and the genuine desire to understand someone. Something I think goes along ways is not initially having an opinion about someone else’s experience. Instead just seeking to understand what they are telling you and asking the right questions. All too often I feel like it is most people’s nature to have an opinion and give advice. Doing so diminishes a persons ability to listen.
ReplyDeleteI agree that to be a good listener requires simply putting your feelings and thoughts aside long enough to understand another person's perspective. When someone interrupts to immediately explain what they think is best, it can feel as though your perspective is being dismissed rather than heard.
DeleteAbsolutely. It is a great way to demonstrate that you actually care about what the other person is saying.
Delete1) I think one of the most important aspects of someone being a good listener is that they genuinely care to hear what you have to say. As others in this discussion have pointed out, curiosity on the listener’s part is very desirable, and I think that only happens when the listener genuinely cares about the perspective of the person they’re listening to. People want to be valued by others, and listeners very effectively create that feeling of value within the people they listen to.
ReplyDelete2) I think that what makes someone a good listener is applicable to most scenarios, but there are some traits that might be more desirable for specific people. For example, when upset, some people want to be listened to with minimal interruption, while others might want more comfort from the listener or want the listener to add their own stories to the discussion to make the exchange more mutual.
I think your observation about how a good listener changes how they listen based on the speaker is a very good one! I like that a lot, I'll keep that in mind. If anything, I think it gives a sign that you yourself are a good listener.
DeleteA good listener makes the world go ‘round. If they did not exist, whether in general or for particular people, then we would all be going around just talking to talk, speaking for nobody but God, and being in our own bubble until the day we die. But the listener bridges the gap between people, between themselves and the speaker, and they make the speaker felt heard in what exactly they say. And to be heard in this world when so often we are not is one of the great feelings we can experience. A sign that we are not alone in this world.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a very hard skill! Not only to do, but also to be consistent with. Sometimes I’ll find myself speaking pleasantries and small-talk and get lost in the usual script (‘How you doing’, ‘fine, how about you?) and realize later that I did not fully engage in the conversation. This, I think, does give full respect and attention to the other person – so I try to change it up when I can.