I do believe that her antagonistic attitude towards Maggie is definitely unfeminist because she is directing her frustration and grief towards Maggie rather than at Sam who made the choice to break his wedding vows. Maggie did not make any promises to stay married to the narrator and she didn't cheat on her. Sam is the one who did those things to her. The narrator should direct her feelings towards Sam instead. The narrator should avoid comparing herself to Maggie and hating her for seemly fitting Sam better. Instead, she should hold Sam accountable for his actions rather than acting like his actions are a result of deficiency on her part. The divorce is only the result of his own immoral actions. The narrator is making the choice to place the blame entirely on the other women rather than hold a grown man accountable for his own actions. This choice is rooted in misogyny, but it is an easy thought process to fall into, when we have conditioned into that way of thinking by societal norms.
It might be unfeminist to hate Maggie because feminism is about the equality between men and women, and by the narrator hating Maggie, Maggie is not exavtly equal to the narrator's husband because the narrator does not hate her husband. The narrator does express frustrated feelings towards her husband about the affair, but the focus is mainly on Maggie. The narrator is predominantly focused on Maggie rather than her husband throughout the book, so Maggie and Sam are not exactly being treated equally by the narrator. It seems like the narrator is placing more blame on Maggie. So, it is "unfeminist" to hate Maggie because the fault of the affair is unequally placed on Maggie rather than Sam. It would be feminist to put more of the blame onto Sam and understand that Maggie is not as responsible for the affair as Sam is.
I actually do not think that the narrator’s feelings of hatred toward Maggie are unfeminist at all. Some of her coping mechanisms are questionable, for sure, but her resentment itself is not the issue. It’s reasonable to presume that Maggie knew of Sam’s marriage at some point during their affair. Naturally, that makes her continued participation unethical—a flaw of character, not gender. It's not unfair or misogynistic to point out her general lack of integrity. In fact, it might be more unfeminist to absolve Maggie of accountability or dislike, as it puts her on a pedestal that she has not earned. Furthermore, to invalidate the narrator’s reaction to Maggie’s involvement in her betrayal is to invalidate her right to experience human emotions; women are not flawless saints, and bitterness is a natural response for anyone to have in this situation. What could be considered unfeminist, however, is how easily she forgives her husband by comparison. I understand that this grace likely comes from a place of sustained love, but the fact that she does not hone in on Sam with the same degree of judgment and internal antagonism is disappointing. It was ultimately his choice to destroy their marriage, after all.
I think the narrator calls it "unfeminist" because she is putting the blame on Maggie, which doesn't make it right, but regardless, I feel that it is a very human thing to do. I could see how it could be taken as being unfeminist, considering the narrator doesn't seem to give this same treatment or feel the same way towards her husband, beyond being angry and disappointed with him. The narrator seems to be more fixated on Maggie and what was "better" about her that made her husband choose her, rather than putting the blame on him and his lack of loyalty. I do think that the narrator should try her best not to fall into the cycle of putting the majority of the blame and hatred towards Maggie, because at the end of the day, her husband decided to do what he did and leave her with little to no clarity. That, I believe, is something that cannot be resolved within the narrator by hating Maggie and blaming her.
I think the narrator calling it "unfeminist" to hate Maggie and put the blame on her rather than Sam is something a lot of women can relate to. Maggie didn't force Sam to cheat or choose her, so it isn't really fair to blame her. But the jealousy that the narrator is feeling is what is making her hate Maggie but yet still be infatuated with her. Maggie is connected to everything she had and then lost with Sam. The narrator resents her but wants to be her because it means she's with Sam. Sam is the one to blame and his lack of loyalty. She hyper fixates on Maggie and questions everything. Did Maggie fall in love with the same parts of Sam that she did? What makes her more desirable? As a woman, we tend to focus on what we think its the root of the problem with cheating; The mistress. When in reality it is the man that puts the two woman against each other.
I do believe it may be somewhat "unfeminist" to only hate Maggie in this situation. While the narrator does show signs of frustration towards her husbands actions, the majority of her anger falls upon Maggie. I think that a lot of this matter has to do with the fact that it is easier to blame the woman in which she does not know. She knows her husband, and thought that she knew he would never do such a thing, until he did. I believe that it is much harder for her to face the fact that someone who she loved and cared about could do such an unexpected thing that would cause hurt to her. I think that the anger falls upon Maggie because it is the easiest thing for the narrator, not because it is the right thing. Sam is the one at fault for this issue, yet is somehow managing to escape the problems which it has created.
I don't think that it is "unfeminist" to hate Maggie. It is somewhat of a natural response to hate the woman who had an affair with your husband, even though it can seem somewhat illogical. If I was in that situation, I would be more inclined to be angry at my partner than the person they cheated with. It seemed to me that the narrator obviously still loves her husband, so she has to offset the anger she feels by placing it onto Maggie. I also think that it helps offset the lacking that she feels. Since her husband chose someone else, she is likely thinking, what does this person have that I don't. Ultimately, I think that her dislike of Maggie is rooted in the betrayal that she was a part of, and the fact that she is a woman is ancillary.
Hating or disliking the “other woman” is usually seen as unfeminist because she never promised you or told you empty promises, the husband did. When a man cheats on someone and she blames the mistress, usually we let the cheating man off the hook and fight with the woman over the said cheating guy. But no, I think that being upset should not be seen as “unfeminist”. I believe it is a totally natural reaction to being cheated on. I do not think that she should be expected to be a perfect acting “girls-girl” while she is battling breast cancer and actively going through a divorce.
I do believe that her antagonistic attitude towards Maggie is definitely unfeminist because she is directing her frustration and grief towards Maggie rather than at Sam who made the choice to break his wedding vows. Maggie did not make any promises to stay married to the narrator and she didn't cheat on her. Sam is the one who did those things to her. The narrator should direct her feelings towards Sam instead. The narrator should avoid comparing herself to Maggie and hating her for seemly fitting Sam better. Instead, she should hold Sam accountable for his actions rather than acting like his actions are a result of deficiency on her part. The divorce is only the result of his own immoral actions. The narrator is making the choice to place the blame entirely on the other women rather than hold a grown man accountable for his own actions. This choice is rooted in misogyny, but it is an easy thought process to fall into, when we have conditioned into that way of thinking by societal norms.
ReplyDeleteIt might be unfeminist to hate Maggie because feminism is about the equality between men and women, and by the narrator hating Maggie, Maggie is not exavtly equal to the narrator's husband because the narrator does not hate her husband. The narrator does express frustrated feelings towards her husband about the affair, but the focus is mainly on Maggie. The narrator is predominantly focused on Maggie rather than her husband throughout the book, so Maggie and Sam are not exactly being treated equally by the narrator. It seems like the narrator is placing more blame on Maggie. So, it is "unfeminist" to hate Maggie because the fault of the affair is unequally placed on Maggie rather than Sam. It would be feminist to put more of the blame onto Sam and understand that Maggie is not as responsible for the affair as Sam is.
ReplyDeleteI actually do not think that the narrator’s feelings of hatred toward Maggie are unfeminist at all. Some of her coping mechanisms are questionable, for sure, but her resentment itself is not the issue. It’s reasonable to presume that Maggie knew of Sam’s marriage at some point during their affair. Naturally, that makes her continued participation unethical—a flaw of character, not gender. It's not unfair or misogynistic to point out her general lack of integrity. In fact, it might be more unfeminist to absolve Maggie of accountability or dislike, as it puts her on a pedestal that she has not earned. Furthermore, to invalidate the narrator’s reaction to Maggie’s involvement in her betrayal is to invalidate her right to experience human emotions; women are not flawless saints, and bitterness is a natural response for anyone to have in this situation. What could be considered unfeminist, however, is how easily she forgives her husband by comparison. I understand that this grace likely comes from a place of sustained love, but the fact that she does not hone in on Sam with the same degree of judgment and internal antagonism is disappointing. It was ultimately his choice to destroy their marriage, after all.
ReplyDeleteI think the narrator calls it "unfeminist" because she is putting the blame on Maggie, which doesn't make it right, but regardless, I feel that it is a very human thing to do. I could see how it could be taken as being unfeminist, considering the narrator doesn't seem to give this same treatment or feel the same way towards her husband, beyond being angry and disappointed with him. The narrator seems to be more fixated on Maggie and what was "better" about her that made her husband choose her, rather than putting the blame on him and his lack of loyalty. I do think that the narrator should try her best not to fall into the cycle of putting the majority of the blame and hatred towards Maggie, because at the end of the day, her husband decided to do what he did and leave her with little to no clarity. That, I believe, is something that cannot be resolved within the narrator by hating Maggie and blaming her.
ReplyDeleteI think the narrator calling it "unfeminist" to hate Maggie and put the blame on her rather than Sam is something a lot of women can relate to. Maggie didn't force Sam to cheat or choose her, so it isn't really fair to blame her. But the jealousy that the narrator is feeling is what is making her hate Maggie but yet still be infatuated with her. Maggie is connected to everything she had and then lost with Sam. The narrator resents her but wants to be her because it means she's with Sam. Sam is the one to blame and his lack of loyalty. She hyper fixates on Maggie and questions everything. Did Maggie fall in love with the same parts of Sam that she did? What makes her more desirable? As a woman, we tend to focus on what we think its the root of the problem with cheating; The mistress. When in reality it is the man that puts the two woman against each other.
ReplyDeleteI do believe it may be somewhat "unfeminist" to only hate Maggie in this situation. While the narrator does show signs of frustration towards her husbands actions, the majority of her anger falls upon Maggie. I think that a lot of this matter has to do with the fact that it is easier to blame the woman in which she does not know. She knows her husband, and thought that she knew he would never do such a thing, until he did. I believe that it is much harder for her to face the fact that someone who she loved and cared about could do such an unexpected thing that would cause hurt to her. I think that the anger falls upon Maggie because it is the easiest thing for the narrator, not because it is the right thing. Sam is the one at fault for this issue, yet is somehow managing to escape the problems which it has created.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that it is "unfeminist" to hate Maggie. It is somewhat of a natural response to hate the woman who had an affair with your husband, even though it can seem somewhat illogical. If I was in that situation, I would be more inclined to be angry at my partner than the person they cheated with. It seemed to me that the narrator obviously still loves her husband, so she has to offset the anger she feels by placing it onto Maggie. I also think that it helps offset the lacking that she feels. Since her husband chose someone else, she is likely thinking, what does this person have that I don't. Ultimately, I think that her dislike of Maggie is rooted in the betrayal that she was a part of, and the fact that she is a woman is ancillary.
ReplyDeleteHating or disliking the “other woman” is usually seen as unfeminist because she never promised you or told you empty promises, the husband did. When a man cheats on someone and she blames the mistress, usually we let the cheating man off the hook and fight with the woman over the said cheating guy. But no, I think that being upset should not be seen as “unfeminist”. I believe it is a totally natural reaction to being cheated on. I do not think that she should be expected to be a perfect acting “girls-girl” while she is battling breast cancer and actively going through a divorce.
ReplyDelete