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| "Rome, Metro Exit" (1984) by Jeffrey Smart |
98. Tversky's children say that their father was quick to judge, and when their parents went to see a movie, he would decide in the first few minutes whether it was worth seeing. If he didn't think it was, he would leave.
From one perspective, Tversky's determination not to waste time can be seen as a positive trait.
From another perspective, however, this behavior might be seen as demonstrating insensitivity or incuriosity.
Do you think it is more important to be true to yourself, even if that means hurting other people's feelings? Or is it more important to be flexible and make compromises in order to get along with others and try new experiences?
Compare the example in the book with an example from your personal experience.
I make compromises in my every day life. I am personally concerned about others feelings. I like to think I can get along with everybody because of this, but sometimes I wish I didn't care. I think having both of these traits would be better than either one. Having the ability to be true to yourself when needed and be understanding of others when needed would be extremely useful. Tversky and his movies are a more mild example. If he dislikes a movie he would leave. If I dislike a movie I feel an obligation to stay in order to spare the feelings of the actors.
ReplyDelete-Libby Revel
I agree with you that a need for both traits is important; however, I do believe that the need for compromise is more important. On the other hand, I do not think anyone should compromise their dreams and aspirations because of a compromise. No one should let anyone or anything get in the way of what they want to do. How do you feel about this? Do you think there is anything that needs to interfere with people's goals like a compromise?
DeleteI agree with you that a need for both traits is important; however, I do believe that the need for compromise is more important. On the other hand, I do not think anyone should compromise their dreams and aspirations because of a compromise. No one should let anyone or anything get in the way of what they want to do. How do you feel about this? Do you think there is anything that needs to interfere with people's goals like a compromise?
Delete-Reese Siegle
It’s most important to make compromises and make sure everyone else you’re working with is happy, at least for me. Tversky may have been able to put his own comfort and wishes first in his day-to-day life, and his commitment to not wasting time is certainly admirable, but I am simply unable to do that. In my experience, I get yelled at much less if I cede to what others expect or want me to do instead of choosing my own pastimes.
ReplyDelete-Elizabeth Acree
I agree with you partially. I do not like getting yelled at either. But I also think that you cannot always please other people. We have to do what is best for us. Although, I hate hurting others feeling as well. I think there are ways to not hurt the others feelings.
DeleteMorgan Anderson
I think that compromising and being empathic of other's interests is a good thing to do. It will show that you care and that they are worthy of your time. Like Trevsky and his wife's movie nights, my mom loves watching old movies that I wouldn't ever watch on my own time. But I will still sit in there and watch them with her even if I don't like it. It's just the thought of knowing that you sacrificed your time to be with another person. Who knows, I may even end up enjoying the movie too.
ReplyDeleteIn my personal experience, I think it is more important to be flexible and to make compromises. I myself am a very non-confrontational person, and so in turn I choose to do things that make sure that everyone around me stays happy and that nothing goes astray. I also think that by making yourself more open to other people’s feelings and thoughts that you are making your life easier. Making compromises is a big part of life and in most situations, there is going to be someone who does not get their way. For example, my parents have started fostering and in doing this I have had to become open to the fact that I will have other children in my home sharing my things but I know that them being here is a better situation than what they are coming from.
ReplyDelete-Grace Watters
I’m Out of Here
ReplyDeleteI believe that it is important to focus on yourself and your needs, but I also believe in the importance of giving back and pleasing others. In life we have to find a balance between our needs and wants and others’ needs and wants. My personal feeling is that there is more importance in focusing on other people’s needs. I think that seeking what you want results in short term satisfaction but giving back to other people results in long term satisfaction. For example, when I take time out of my day for myself to go hit some golf balls, I am satisfied doing that for about an hour or so; in contrast, when I volunteer or do something for others I feel satisfaction for a much longer period of time. Compromising and trying new things to please others can result in long term satisfaction; whereas, pleasing yourself only last a small amount of time. I find it hard to believe that Amos’ children were really okay with him just up and leaving the movie theater while they stayed to watch.
When I was younger, I did not enjoy playing in the band, but I did it because my grandma wanted me too. I found that the joy my playing an instrument brought to her far outweighed my own personal wants and needs. The satisfaction I got from pleasing her with my music will last me a lifetime, whereas spending my time doing something I liked more would have only last the time I was partaking in that activity.
-Reese Siegle
I think it is way more important to be able to compromise with others for several reasons. First off, I find that it takes way less energy to compromise with someone who you disagree with than being stubborn on your own points. There is a time and place to hold your ground, but sometimes knowing that you are right is all the satisfaction you need without making more people unhappy. Another reason why compromising is more important is that we as humans are inherently just wrong sometimes. Compromising can lead to taking a step further back and seeing the whole picture rather than just our biased tunnel vision. I can honestly say that I relate to Tversky and his habits with movies. When it comes to social media and YouTube if I am not impressed I swipe or click to the next one without any regard to the effort of the last post or video I looked at. If I were to watch a film however, I tend to stick it out or wait for group consensus to watch something different.
ReplyDeleteI feel that I couldn’t be more different from Tversky in this way. I am a people pleaser. I am an enneagram type 9, a peacemaker. I have a strong tendency to make sure that everyone else is happy before I am. I don’t think that this is necessarily healthy. I believe that there is a fine line between the two, you have to be true to yourself, but you also need to be able to make compromises with the people you love and care about. I think that sometimes, when you do something you'd rather not do for another person, it can really mean a lot. Valuing another's opinions and thoughts is also very important.
ReplyDeleteI am a people pleaser. I say this confidently, but not proudly.
ReplyDeleteI have always been the first one to offer my only package of m&m's that I was so looking forward to eating, just because a teammate mentioned they were hungry. Or the one to agree to getting Mexican food for the third night in a row, even though I would rather just eat some ramen noodles.
I mentioned that I am not proud of this because there is a fine line in always trying to make other people happy, and making others happy at the expense of your own happiness. I used to struggle with this a lot more until I got a new soccer coach who quickly realized this trait of mine. She told me something that I will remember forever, which was: "you do not owe anybody anything". That is the best piece of advice anyone has ever given me. So, it is important that you are always willing to compromise and always respect others, but it is also important that you do not do anything that takes away your true happiness.