334. Lewis asks, provocatively, "what is a marriage if not an agreement to distort one's perception of another, in relation to everyone else?" (334).
Would you agree that a healthy, long-term relationship requires some kind of "willful distortion" and, perhaps, a willingness to the see the good in someone else even when it is not always evident? Or do you think it this kind of willful distortion may be the reason so many people endure long term relationships that are unhealthy and even toxic?
In my opinion, humans would be incapable of carrying on long term relationships without a good bit of choice blindness toward their partner’s faults and a healthy amount of willful distortion. Every person is just so different from all the rest that no two could feasibly be able to perfectly mesh together. However, sometimes it can go too far, with people being so desperate to make a relationship work that they willfully distort and ignore some pretty blatant red flags.
ReplyDeleteThe way relationships are portrayed in the media probably contributes to that. For example, the movie “50 First Dates” is about a womanizer who falls in love with a lady with short term memory loss. In short, she doesn’t remember who he is from day to day. This is hardly an ideal relationship. Even discounting the possibilities for abuse that must be considered if this relationship were to take place in real life, it simply isn’t plausible. Another notable entity with 50 in the name is “50 Shades of Grey.” The less said about that one the better, so I’ll just point out that it takes an unhealthy and frankly abusive relationship with a dangerous imbalance of power, calls it sexy, and makes it seem like the characters get a happily ever after when really, the most compelling pairing in the book is Anastasia Steele and Stockholm Syndrome.
Having been fed a steady diet of ‘happily ever afters’ with questionable plots and even more shady premises, real life people are more than willing to compromise more than they should in their relationships. In short: a healthy about of compromise and willful blindness is good, but it can easily go too far while still, unfortunately, remaining in the realm of the widely acceptable.
-Elizabeth Acree
I agree with you, Elizabeth! I think that unhealthy relationships in the movie industry prevail. But lets not overlook other industries that are pretty involved in the same antics. Music, for example, is chock-full of unhealthy lyrics that trick us into thinking they are "romantic". However, I do think that marriage/a healthy relationship does require you to try and find the good in your partner. Personally I don't think we should have to overlook things, but rather see them, and choose rather or not to love them.
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DeleteI agree, Elizabeth. I do believe that much of Hollywood industries demonstrate relationships in an unhealthy way. Also, I agree that it is possibly better that humans do demonstrate a little blindness when choosing a partner. However, I do believe that things people become blind to when choosing a partner eventually come out. I honestly believe that people cannot hide red flags or abuses. Therefore, even if people do take on a sense of blindness, I believe that all those negative aspects that were overlooked or not seen do eventually come out.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, and I think the term "willful distortion" is a beautifully apt way to put it, as that is exactly what it is. Relationships work, or rather sustain off of both parties current perception. Ever notice how the one who was broken up with only ever remembers the good times? The rose colored memories? Yet the one who does the breaking frequently demonizes the other party, remembering only the parts of the relationship and other person they chose to look over and "willfully distort' in order to stay happy for so long. It comes rushing back and it hits you like you like a brick wall. You ask yourself- "How did I put up with that for so long? How did I not see these patterns of behavior before?". The answer is simple - you did. Whether consciously or subconsciously, you convince yourself that the chemicals this person elicits from you is worth whatever drawbacks they may have. The moment one person decides the other is no longer worth their willful distortion is the moment the relationship is over. Love is at it's core, mutual willful distortion.
ReplyDelete-Trinity Whitehead
I agree with you. I believe that we do see the patterns or the faults of our partner, but we choose how to deal with it. We decide if we think it is worth it to stay in the relationship or abandon it.
DeleteI agree with Lewis in his saying that marriage does include some “willful distortion.” There will never be a relationship that is without flaws and acceptance. At some point in every relationship, each partner will mess up. The other must choose whether to forgive them for it, or end the relationship if it is something too harsh to forget. No one is without flaws, and we must choose the person whose flaws are worth putting up with for the rest of our lives. However, there may come a point where that “willful distortion” is harmful. For instance, in a relationship where domestic violence is an issue, that is not something to be easily forgiven or forgotten, and in my opinion calls for the complete end of the relationship.
ReplyDelete334. I believe a long-term relationship requires some kind of “willful distortion,” but it must be in consideration. I think the relationship cannot stand if “willful distortion” is the foundation of the relationship. I think compromise is a huge piece in a relationship because without compromise one of the partners is forced to give into the others demands without an opinion. The partners must have enough common sense to know when a relationship is becoming toxic and unhealthy and seek help.
ReplyDeleteI believe many relationships, platonic or otherwise, consist largely of accepting other’s faults. In this scenario, it can absolutely result in a toxic relationship, but I do not believe this to always be the case. -Darian Shaw
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