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| John Lennon and Paul McCartney |
250. Lewis describes Tversky and Kahneman as "two men in love scrambling to find an excuse to be together" (250).
In our culture, sexual relationships are often described in this way, but people rarely consider it normal for platonic relationships, like the one between Tversky and Kahneman, to have this kind of intensity. And if they are, people sometimes suggest that such relationships have a latent sexual content. For example, some people believe that men and women can't have an intense friendship unless one of them is gay.
Do you think if a married partner were engaged in an intense but entirely platonic relationship with someone else, would you consider that infidelity?
Do you think if a married partner were engaged in an intense but entirely platonic relationship with someone else, would you consider that infidelity?
This is an old trope that continues to reappear again, and again... and then again. Every romantic comedy I've ever seen has some level of this dilemma. For insistence, Pretty in Pink starring Molly Ringwald as the girl from across the tracks who falls for the Popular Jock. She has a best friend (played by John Cryor) who is in love with her. Granted, this movie is from the 80's and recently they have become a tiny bit more progressive. BUt there is still an OBSCENE amount of romance, and very little platonic relationships portrayed as "soulmate" material. I feel like this is such a shame, especially for boys. Everyone craves friendships, and I believe that a male and a female can be friends, and only friends. I would be concerned though, as a spouse, if my partner were in a relationship (platonic or not) where they were engrossed in each others minds and souls. I would only worry because I am aware of the human nature behind it, that desire connections and to be loved. However, if I could be sure that it was solely platonic, I would not consider it infidelity. I believe that platonic soulmates and romantic soulmates can coexist.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are all about give and take, you have to be open to new ideas and be accepting of your partner. In any relationship, you cannot be expected to provide everything your partner needs and you can’t expect to be the only person they confide in. In a relationship like Tversky’s and Kahneman’s I would only be against it if my partner was spending all their time with them rather than me or if they chose to confide in them on matters that should only be discussed between spouses.
ReplyDelete-Grace Watters
Grace,
DeleteI agree with your statement. I feel like there are some conversations only meant for someone’s spouse. According to the book, it sounded like they were super close. If I was the wife, I would probably be uncomfortable with it. From the book’s description, it sounded like they needed each other more than their wives sometimes. I don’t think I would consider infidelity though just an intrusion of space in the marriage. Because like Grace said, “you have to be open to new ideas and be accepting of your partner.” Just to an extent you’re comfortable with.
Delanie Seals
In Israel friendship is an important value where people tend to hold their friends close to them and enjoy shared experiences. The wonder of how the human brain works along with both being a part of the war effort could be two reasons why Danny and Amos seemed to have this close bond. I feel that we, as Americans, tend to overtly sexualize things that are not inherently sexual in any manner. We also tend to associate certain gestures of affection, such as hand holding and hugging, as something only couples do while other countries do not. To say that Danny and Amos’ unique relationship was only sexual or counts as infidelity would be erasing their culture as well as invalidating quasiplatonic and asexual relationships.
ReplyDeleteI personally wouldn’t think of that kind of relationship as an infidelity. After all, I’ve had pretty intense friendships with people that have been entirely platonic, and have gotten questions about whether we’re dating or not. It’s not that uncommon for there to be people who are close in such a way, but the way our society sets out norms for platonic relationships, it’s impossible for anyone to feel like they can get that close with someone without being judged for it.
ReplyDeleteExactly, Jessica!
DeleteInfidelity is being unfaithful in a state of trust. Being friends with another person of the opposite gender, and being called out as a cheater to their partner is a misconstruct! In a relationship there needs to be clear communication between the two spouses. If neither sees a problem with it, then it is no one else’s business to assume such ideas. No person has the right to judge another’s actions because you are not in their shoes. I hope you will not have to feel that way and it will happen less often (hopefully not at all) on this campus for you.
250. I currently have a girlfriend of about two years, and she and I have both obtained personal relationships with people of the opposite gender in a platonic fashion. I believe that my love for my girlfriend is strong enough for me to trust her decisions and actions. She knows the consequences of infidelity. I think that she has good judgement and can detect if a friend has ulterior motives. I hope personally that she and I can have a friend group consisting of multiple people of the opposite genders and remain completely platonic.
ReplyDeleteI feel that in a platonic sense, having a special relationship with someone is completely okay and normal. Having a best friend when you are in a relationship is okay, even if they are of the opposite gender. It just takes a mature and trusting partner to allow it. If your partner does not have enough trust in you to be friends with the opposite gender, it is time to talk or rethink that relationship, because relationships are built on mutual trust. However, if your partner has a solid reason to not trust the friend in question, it is fair to ask you to end the friendship. If you are texting them all day everyday and going to that friend with everything, it could be a problem. Most infidelity starts emotionally before physically. All that being said, it truly depends on the relationship, and how those people feel. I speak purely from my own understanding and opinion.
ReplyDelete