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| Still from West Side Story (2021), directed by Steven Spielberg |
In chapter 2, Soni describes how, at different times, Hemant Khuttan and his girlfriend deceived their parents so they could continue seeing each other, and Hemant planned to lie to Shruti in order to convince her to accept his plan to apply for a job in America.
Assuming Soni accurately depicts Hemant's love for Shruti as genuine, that Hemant had no intention of harming Shruti, that Hemant only wanted to protect their relationship from any potential effort from their parents to make them break up, is it morally defensible to lie and deceive others?
Is it sometimes acceptable to lie to a loved one if you have their best interests at heart?
Is lying to a loved one worse--or is it more acceptable--than lying to someone you have a professional relationship with, such as an employer, a teacher, or a government official?
Don't answer this question before you've read this chapter and all preceding chapters.
In relation to the first two questions:
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts about both of these questions tie together. Hemant and Shruti deceiving their parents is morally defensible, whereas Henant lying to Shruti is not morally defensible. This might be corny, but I think trying to deny two people of love justifies lying to the denier. But lying to the person you love about something as big as moving countries? There is no way to defend that. Even though Hemant wants his relationship to stay intact, he shouldn’t keep Shruti in the dark over something so crucial to their future together.
I think that it is sometimes acceptable to lie to a loved one if you have their best interests at heart. In relation to how I answered the question above, I believe that the lie cannot be anything important. Lying about a gift is acceptable, but lying about being at a bar is not. Best interests at heart or not, you shouldn’t lie lightly, if at all. Yes it is sometimes acceptable, but the goal should be to not lie and to tell them the truth as soon as you can. Overall, it’s only okay to lie to a loved one if it’s something small like a surprise party.
- Zachary Clouse
Zachary, I agree with you that justifying lying to someone denying love between a couple is much easier than justifying lying to a partner in a loving relationship. While harder, I still see a way to defend Hemant's lying to Shruti. Hemant felt the pressure of losing Shruti which pushed him to make choices he thought would benefit their relationship the most. While I agree that the way he went about these decisions was unethical, I feel if his intentions were genuine, his love for Shruti and fear of losing their relationship could be a strong defense for his actions.
DeleteIn response to the last question:
ReplyDeleteIt is worse to lie to a loved one. The difference between personal and professional relationships boils down to trust. A loved one has more trust in you than a boss or manager would. Due to the difference in trust the impact it has is changed. Lying to someone who has a deeper personal connection alters how they can see you in a way that has impact. For example, say you lie to your significant other about where you were the other night. Your partner now has decreased trust in you because you didn't tell them the truth. The reason this is different from a professional relationship is that it also affects you on a deeper level. It is not a surface level relationship where you can simply brush off what the other person thinks of you. In a personal relationship, trust is the most important foundation and by lying that foundation has now been altered, which can cause more harm than what simply telling the truth is. While you shouldn't lie to anyone regardless of the relationship, lying to a loved one is worse.
I would like to think that lying in a professional relationship could have greater aftermath than what you're giving it credit for. Lying to a boss for example, boss gives you a task that is of importance and you complete work on this task but it most definitely is not your best. You think about making improvements but figure it'll be alright. You hand in or maybe email your boss the work you completed and they ask if you are confident it is up to standard. You say yes even though you know it very well could not be. It does end up being up to standard. This will affect your ability to be trusted with such important tasks, and potentially cause you grief when trying to move up ladder in this company.
DeleteThe response above I accidentally posted as anonymous, I do apologize
DeleteI think it possible to lie to others and be morally defensible. If it’s truly within the heart of the liar to protect the one being lied to. An example that comes to mind is if a loved one was on their death bed but didn’t know. Say a severe car wreck or something else. In that case you’d want to preserve whatever glimmer of hope and joy they may have. You’d want them to die happy and sometimes that requires a lie. The lie that Hemant told Shruti though if tough to call. On one hand you wouldn’t want your loved one to worry, but they may just worry more if you don’t tell them. This is a grey area situation. The outcome of the lie determines if it becomes morally defensible.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to determining if lying to a loved one is worse than lying to a professional of any sort it gets easier and harder. Is it worse to lie to your spouse than a teacher? Almost definitely. Is it worth than lying to the government? I don’t know. I think both have about an equal weight to them. Don’t get me wrong, lying to your spouse is terrible and can be wrong, but so can lying to the government. You wouldn’t want to lie to the FBI or the IRS if they came knocking on the door.
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Elliot, I agree with you that lying to protect a loved one or the little glimmer of hope they could have. I do see the lie that Hemant told Shruti being a tough one but he felt as thought he would lose her and thought the lies would save their relationship. He could have gone about it in a different way but he was just trying to save his relationship with someone he loved.
DeleteI also agree that it depends that lying to a loved one is worse than lying to a professional. Lying to someone like your boss or teacher can be okay at times that will save your job or not mess anything up but lying to someone as big as the FBI or IRS would not be ideal. It could put you and others in a situation that you may not be able to come back from.
In regards to the first two questions: I think they are intertwined and can be answered at once because they ask the same thing, just one specifically about Hemant and Shruti. I think it is possible to lie to others and it be morally for the better. If you lie to a loved one in order to protect them physically or emotionally you are doing a good thing. In the specific case of Hemant and Shruti, Hemant is not lying to Shruti about going to America so he can leave her in the dust and never think about her again. He is leaving on the promise that he will one day be able to live with her in America and provide her a good life. He must lie because he knows that her parents would never accept this, thus not allowing them to marry and making the whole plan a bust. Hemant lied in order with intentions of securing a better future for him and Shruti.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the third question: I think that lying in a professional relationship is worse. I have simple reasoning for this, when lying to a loved one you often have there feelings in mind, you lie because you think its best for them. In a professional relationship you lie only to cover for yourself, lying in a professional relationship is used only for deceit. While lying to a loved one might make them upset or angry at you for a time you have the fallback of you were protecting there interests and meant no harm. You do not have that in a professional relationship.
I again posted as anonymous, I apologize
DeleteIn my opinion, there are very few scenarios where lying to a loved one is acceptable, even if you have their best interest at heart. There are classic examples such as surprise parties and other smaller things like that, however I think the most overlooked thing that is relatively acceptable to lie about would be thoughts regarding yourself and well-being. An argument could be made that it is not okay to lie about how you’re doing when a loved one asks how you are, even if you are not doing well at all. It is generally easier to lie and say you are doing okay to avoid stress on both parties. Despite thinking that lying to a loved one is usually unacceptable, I think lying in a professional relationship is worse than lying to a loved one. I believe this because loved ones are more likely to forgive and look beyond the lie to see that you had their best interest at heart. A lie in a professional relationship, whether government official, boss, doctor, etc... tends to lead to harsher sometimes life altering punishment. While lying to a loved one is wrong, ending up in jail or worse over a lie in a professional relationship to me seems worse.
ReplyDelete-Zachary Idlett
I do not believe that it is ever acceptable to lie. At the end of the day, even if you have someone's best interests at heart, by lying you are taking advantage of that person's trust. You are also keeping information from them and ultimately denying them the right of making a decision based on that information. Hemant wanted what was best for Shruti, but he also wanted what was best for himself. It is hard to believe that there was no selfishness involved. However, I do think that lying to someone in the professional space is a little more justifiable because there is less of a personal relationship and less trust.
ReplyDeleteEach situation is different and not everyone will have the same views. While lying is seen as wrong, it is sometimes done to protect a loved one. In Hemant’s case, the only way to continue being with his love was to make something of himself. Having tried different options and failed, traveling to America was the only way he saw himself progressing. While lovers should always be open and truthful to each other, I can understand why he wouldn’t tell Shruti the truth. The marriage between them could be ultimately severed before it begins. Even still, one lie can affect the both of them. It’s different than lying to an employer or even a teacher. That lie will only affect you, but the moment you lie to your loved ones, it now involves you and the people around you, which makes it ten times worse, especially since they are your backbone and support system.
ReplyDeleteI don't think Hemant lying and deceiving Shruti is morally defensible. Yes his intentions were to win the favor of her parents but it is evidently selfish. He is going for this big job in America to impress and prove himself. He is capable of becoming employed in his homeland, close to Shruti, telling her the truth, and still winning his in-laws' favor. With the approach he took, he is altering her reality of his image and what he is doing. He could have very well told her the truth, discussed it, and made a joint decision with the woman that he loves. This doesn't mean that she wouldn't have allowed him to go, but just that she could prepare herself for the hardship of him being gone for so long.
ReplyDeleteIn response to your comment Jenna Whitehead, I agree that Hemant should not have lied to his father or Shruti. For me lying (especially to your partner) sets a precedent of untruthfulness in the relationship. Your lies can catch up to you. In Hemant's case it kind of did since the deadline he had to marry Shruti got closer while he was no closer to marrying her or bringing her to America. Thankfully, although it did not explain how, he was able to be with Shruti in the end.
ReplyDelete-Abigayle Shropshire
It is completely morally defensible to lie and deceive others if the benefits outweigh the risks. Hemant and Shruti were in love with each other and Hemant did not want to risk losing his wife over her parents’ intervention. I think it is also sometimes acceptable to lie to a loved one if you think it is for your or their own good. Morally, I think lying to a loved one is worse than lying to someone you do not necessarily have a relationship with. It hurts and sits on your consciousness. Lying to someone you do not know takes less effort and involves less emotion.
ReplyDelete