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In Chapter One, Soni describes a common practice in India, whereby parents help their children find a marriage partner.
In America, most young people would vigorously oppose such a practice.
THE CHALLENGE:
This prompt is not so much a question as it is challenge. Putting your own personal beliefs aside and taking this argument as a kind of lawyer for one side, what claims could you make to defend this Indian practice? What is necessary to make such a practice work effectively for all involved?
Consider, for starters, that in India today approximately 1% of marriages end in divorce.
Only answer this question after you have read chapter one and all preceding chapters (including the prologue).
Arranged marriage is a practice performed throughout Indian cultures. Given its almost perfect record, countries should implement arranged marriages into their own culture. Identical beliefs and predetermined social rank create healthy relationships and a more productive society.
ReplyDeleteParents consider financial and religious states during the process of arranging a marriage. Families will consider many qualities of a spouse to ensure the best fit for their child. Most Indian cultures establish endogamous relationships, which create a sense of financial equality between partners. Couples are more likely to work out arguments with the knowledge their rank will not rise due to divorce. Nevertheless, marriages within the same caste system ensure loyalty, as proven by India’s 1% divorce rate. As well, similar religious beliefs benefit and create accountability between partners. A relationship built upon a shared faith strengthens all members involved. If a relationship consisted of differing religions, each partner would sacrifice aspects of their religion to benefit the other.
Predetermined social rank to assess options in an arranged marriage is beneficial in Indian cultures. Although social rankings narrow someone's opportunities and choices, you are more likely to find people similar to you. For example, Prince William was born to fill the throne after his father. He learned under his father and served in the military to become a great king. Therefore, in Indian cultures, if a man were born in the highest caste, he would study and learn his entire childhood to fill the role later in life. Additionally, the man will receive a wife in the same caste to maintain the hierarchical structure and progress to a new generation of workers. Arranging marriages to keep citizens in each respective caste allows generations to develop their craft over time.
Arranged marriages are a positive system used throughout Indian cultures. Many benefits result from arranged marriages: workers are more efficient, and families are stronger. They work with similar beliefs, to maintain the hierarchical structure of citizens. These qualities provide evidence supporting the practice of arranged marriages around the world
I think the biggest defense of this practice is that we are essentially moving that way ourselves in our society – and in fact, in many ways, have always done so in one way or another. While marriages in western society have not necessarily been arranged in the sense of what you may think, they are arranged by circumstances. People who share the same activities, locations, social status, etc. are the ones who come into contact with each other and fall “in love” because of those connections. We meet people through our friends, family, our jobs, our hobbies, and now through social media and AI algorithms – all of which are a form of arranged connections. The practice of arranged marriages in India take this a step further and relies on the choices of the family to make those connections – but in essence they are based on the same factors in many respects. For this practice to work, whether here through AI Algorithms or in India via arranged family marriages, there has to be an effort put forth by the people being connected to make it work. Like any relationship, there has to be a giving in to the process of making a connection – if there is no desire to make it work then it won’t work. For traditionally arranged marriages, I think the fact that very few marriages end in divorce (although I’m sure this number is misleading as it does not indicate happiness with the marriage) is a testament to the fact that the individuals involved are making an effort to make it work. The same is true of marriages here, those married couples that put in the work have a better chance of staying together. I would even guess that in India the added pressure to make it work because of the family involvement helps couples navigate any difficulties with a different focal point to finding a solution.
ReplyDeleteI suppose if I were defending this practice, I would first argue the importance of the aforementioned divorce rates. Naturally, people are terrible at picking their life partners, so the idea that India could have a divorce rate of 1% compared to the US's, which is "around 42%"^1 would be huge strength for my argument. The child doesn't necessarily have no say in the process, either: in the case of Aby, he found himself falling in love with the woman he was arranged to marry, which was the only reason he agreed to the marriage. If there really is less of a choice, then how come arranged marriages are often more successful than chosen marriages?
ReplyDelete(I don't believe any of this by the way. Good actor, ain't I?)
^1(https://terryandrobertslaw.com/blog/divorce-rate-facts/#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20Centers%20for,to%20230%20marriages%20an%20hour)
I think that just comparing the divorce rates in India versus the United States gives a skewed idea of this topic. I'm not suggesting that the statistics are false, but there's more to it. If parents arrange a marriage it is a family affair and from what we see in the book the women are not given much choice in the matter, even though we see Aby have some say. I think that the One Percent of Indian divorcees are seen as failures and dishonoring to their parents. In summation, I think the statistics show that divorce is not considered as a practical option in India, once a marriage is made- whether it's good or not- you are married for life.
DeleteIf I were to defend arranged marriages, I would first begin with the percentages of divorce previously mentioned. A 1% divorce rate is extremely low, and I believe it is because the concept of arranged marriage is instilled at an early age leading to less mental, emotional, and social challenges on behalf of the individual involved in the arranged marriage. Having this mindset assigned in early childhood is the reason it works so well and is necessary to make it an effective system. You could argue the same for if a child were to grow up in a Christian household, they are more likely to be Christian. This is not because they cannot challenge this mindset, but it has been ingrained to a point where it is more natural to continue how they were raised than to challenge the status quo. The test of time could also make another convincing argument regarding the arranged marriage system. Various research shows that the arranged marriage system has been around for hundreds of years and to have still maintained such a low divorce rate is a testament to the effectiveness of the arranged marriage system.
ReplyDeleteI believe it is also worth mentioning that we as westerners are not following an arranged marriage system, however, we use some principles and ideas related to it. Oftentimes, parents want their children to marry based on similar religion, political views, lifestyles, etc... and while westerners tend to challenge these practices significantly more, these sorts of “guidelines” for finding a partner still very much exist.
-Zachary Idlett
I think if we consider the divorce rates in India being 1% then it would make sense to support the idea of arranged marriages. My personal beliefs aside, it seems as though arranged marriages would work. In theory, we all want to find our true love and have a love story of our own. I feel as though here in America, and even other countries, we glorify and romanticize the idea of true love. But what is love? It has a different definition to every single person. I think you could learn to love the person your parents picked out for you if you gave them a chance. Parents want what's best for you, most of them anyway. They will think of every factor that you may not consider if you are blinded by your love for a certain person. We see so much of this in failed relationships, when you, as their friend, can see so clearly that they aren’t right for each other. That person may not be able to realize it though because of how much they believe they love them. Parents will look at how this person will provide for the family, their family name, and how successful their life will be. By looking at statistics, arranged marriages have a far better success rate than ones who happen naturally.
ReplyDeleteHey Randie, I think that you made a great case for arranged marriages. Everyone has their own personal beliefs, but there are definitely a lot of positives to being set up in a marriage by your parents. I think that a lot of times people confuse their excitement in a fresh relationship for "love", and this is what contributes to the high divorce rate in countries like the United States. Having the wisdom of an older person guide you to a relationship can help it become more lasting and fruitful. However, I think there are positives and negatives to both of these kinds of marriages.
DeleteIn cultures that focus on upholding family values, arranged marriages allow parents to find a match for their child. This match will most likely show potential in building a home and life similar to their family. I think in cultures that prioritize individuality instead of family values there's a lot of focus on things that fade and I'd go as far to say that our emotions can be unreliable and cloud our ability to make the best decisions for our future homes. Arranged marriages look first at the values and comfort, then allow feelings to build. Divorce rates being 1% in India and 42% in America is a ringing endorsement for an arranged marriage.
ReplyDelete-Jenna Whitehead
The process of arranging a marriage heavily weighs the importance of each person's religion, cultural practices, values, financial situation, and aspirations. Additionally, most people in India who are in the process of finding a partner through arranged marriage get a horoscope reading that determines what kind of match they need. Considering the low rate of divorce in India, a country where arranged marriages are common practice, these arrangements seems to have a spectacularly high success rate. However, it is important to consider other cultural aspects that might skew the divorce rate in India. For instance, it could be a social stigma to divorce your partner once the marriage is completed. Part of the reason the divorce rate in America has skyrocketed over the years is because it has become more socially acceptable in recent decades. Religious leaders in India might feel inclined to advise against divorce, since many arranged marriages are between people of the same religion.
ReplyDeleteIn America, there are many separated families and a high divorce rate. India, however, does not deal with these issues. Why? One reason India has such a low divorce rate is that it is frowned upon for a person not to choose their family’s pick for partners, let alone get a divorce from their spouse. These actions can often lead to people being disowned or severely punished by their families, which is why I believe it is one of the reasons that India has such a low divorce rate. Additionally, the arranged marriage culture has such a strong grip on Indians, because their families try to find the best and respectable matches for their children.
ReplyDeleteI think the practice of arranged marriage can be exceptional, and I believe that it has worked for many people in India, but do I think It can work in America? For arranged marriages to grow more popular in America it would take a complete societal shift. America is very focused on gender equality, which means Introducing arranged marriages to Americans could come across as anti-feminist. The American conception of arranged marriages includes picking the women because they are fertile, good cooks, or if they come from wealthy or respectable families. However, as I stated, this is only the American misconception of what an arranged marriage is. It was introduced as a thoughtful, willing, and considerate process that allows trust in an individual’s family to find a match that they believe will be the best for them in the long run. It could stand a chance of becoming a trend and a part of the culture in America, and perhaps even lower the divorce rate.
In order to understand the practice and even concept of arranged marriages, you first have to understand the Indian culture and society that they take place in. For us it seems to be such an outlandish concept precisely because it is. But to Indian society it is the normal. Indian society has more rules and concerns effecting marriage than we do here in the United States. For one, there is a strict caste system that determines what jobs you may have and more importantly, who you can marry. It is looked down upon and at some times social suicide to marry outside of your caste. A big part of the system is the family respect dynamic when it comes to arranging. In the U.S., you turn 18 and you can say "see ya" and be done with your family and parents if you choose. Many try to become independent and less reliant on their parents advice. Many less stick around to accompany their parents as they age. But, the Indian family system is more generational than ours. Parents are not just arranging a marriage for you, they are arranging a future family for themselves. Another way that respect plays into it is that you trust your parents decision that they make for you to be the best for you and you certainly don't disobey them. The advantage to this system is that your parents have a look at your partner that you wont be able to have due to your biases. They can say "yes this person is a hard worker" or "this person will be a bad partner to you" and choose based on outside experience. In the United States, marriage is love journey. In India, marriage is a necessity and had better be a good choice. That's not to say there is not love in Indian marriages. In fact, Indian marriages are very loving as well as successful which is why I support the system. It works well for the society it was designed to work for.
ReplyDeleteAll marriage, free or arranged, should be based on compatibility and the likelihood of the couple learning to care for each other. Falling in love simply is not reliable, as you can fall out of it, and some never experience it. A helping hand ensures success, and there is no better hand than the ones of reliable relatives and proven matchmakers. Love is not guaranteed, but the potential is far high when you have to try at the very least.
ReplyDelete