Tuesday, July 16, 2019

1: Dear Daughter

"Advice from a Caterpillar" by Arthur Rackham
On the first page of this book, Smarsh reports that when she was a kid, and she was "fretting about the sort of decision that in another household might have gotten help from parents," she used to ask herself, "What would I tell my daughter to do?" (1).

Imagine that you have a daughter who is fretting about going to college.  What would you tell her to do?
Assume that shorter answers have a greater impact.
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50 comments:

  1. AshleyJuly 22, 2019 at 8:34 PM

    I would tell my daughter that no matter where she chooses to go I’ll support her decision but also push her to achieve her dreams. It may seem like a scary decision that she doesn’t want to get wrong. She needs to find a place that she feels at home even though at first it’ll be out of her comfort zone living away from home. I will tell her that everyone else is nervous too, she will find friends, bonds, and memories that will last a lifetime. College is a time she will grow and start to become the women she was created to be.

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  2. AnonymousJuly 23, 2019 at 8:56 AM

    Neither of my parents had the opportunity to further their education at a university or a community college, and my mom always told me that was her biggest regret. So, if I put myself in a mother’s shoes, I would tell my daughter she IS going to college. I would tell her not to worry about the funds, because now a days there are multiple ways to pay for college. I would tell her to picture her future because in this world a degree is a “requirement” if you want to have a high paying job, especially for a woman.

    Samantha Dostal

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    1. Kiley WatkinsAugust 11, 2019 at 10:16 PM

      My parents did not go to college as well. Do you believe that this makes us strive to do it for them, prove ourselves, or simply to pursue our dream job?
      -Kiley Watkins

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    2. Noah OatesAugust 17, 2019 at 9:53 AM

      My first thought when reading this comment was "for my dream career, of course!", but after thinking deeper, I realize that some people who are first generation college students (especially from small towns) feel the need to prove themselves to their parents, and even their old high school.

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    3. UnknownAugust 21, 2019 at 7:37 PM

      I believe that that is very accurate Noah. Sometimes people who are first generation college students do feel that they need to prove themselves to their parents. Something else to think about as well is their own personal desire to go to college. I know first hand that my parents basically said that I am going to college. Yes I had made my mind up personally that I did want to pursue a higher degree of education, but my mother had kind of made up her mind and told me what she desired for me to do after I graduated high school. I would not want to force that kind of life changing decision on my daughter or son just because I thought it was the best choice for them. I would let them choose their own path and let them know that whatever they choose to do, whether its to go to college to get a better education or to do something that they have already found out that they enjoyed, that I would be there to support their decision no matter my thoughts on it. So to quickly describe what I would say to my daughter fretting college, it would be to ask her it is something that she wants to do. If so, then I would give her advice about planning ahead and do things on time and correctly.

      Delete
    4. UnknownAugust 21, 2019 at 7:38 PM

      the Unknown reply to Noah Oates was given by Samuel Pratt

      Delete
  3. MakenzieJuly 26, 2019 at 1:46 PM

    I would tell her that college is what you make of it, if you make it out to be a terrifying experience then that's what it will be, but if you look at it as a wonderful experience that you have the privilege to have, then it'll be super exciting and feel like an adventure. I would tell her how I understand that it will be hard, and it seems scary with how much it all cost, or worried about having to make all new friends, but in the long run it will all be worth it. She should take this experience to truly find herself and to grow into the woman I believe she can be.

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  4. Emiley ColeJuly 27, 2019 at 7:20 PM

    Much as the narrator explains within the first few pages of the book, the way you raise your child is heavily influenced by the way you were raised, whether you notice it or not. As a first-generation college student, I never had the privilege of parental guidance through the college process. However, what I soon came to understand was that my parents were only trying to encourage me to make my own adult decisions without their opinions encouraging or discouraging my final judgment in something that would affect such a vital portion of my success in the future. I would want my child to have that exact same support, but also the independence that I was given. I would not want my child to feel pressured to make a decision based on my opinions or judgment. I would encourage my child to use his/her own experiences and intuition to make the decision his/herself, just as I grew up doing.

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  5. Hali BrayJuly 28, 2019 at 8:47 PM

    While my mother has never been involved in my life, I have a fantastic older sister that has always been more like a mother to me. She always knows exactly what to say to me. More often than not, she says "Sis, you've got nothing to worry about. You, and only you, get to make those big decisions, and in the end you'll make the right one." She always tells me to take my time on decisions, small decisions get 24 hours of thought, and larger ones get 48-72 hours of thought at the very least. That's what I would tell my daughter. Because in the end we are going to what we want. New situations will be scary but old situations can even scarier. I would tell her not to worry, just think. She knows herself better than I ever will, and with time spent in thought, she will make the right decision. It will be scary, because change always is, but without change she will be stuck, and that, to me, is the scariest thing.

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  6. willow vaughnJuly 30, 2019 at 12:27 AM

    It's hard to imagine having a daughter with the same worries as I, given my immature reasoning. However, I would most likely tell her the things that I wanted to hear from my own parents; "Don't worry about funds. We'll help you through it all, no matter the cost. Don't worry about where you go. If it sucks, you can switch to a different college at any time, with little hassle. Don't worry about friends. You always made them in high school, and high school had way fewer options."
    In short, I would tell her that there's no need to worry and that everything will take its course.

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    1. Alisha SmithAugust 19, 2019 at 12:13 AM

      This is great advice to give someone; my parents gave me most of the same advice and it has made the entire college process much easier. Another bit of information that I think is important to know is: don't go to college if you don't want to. There are plenty of other trades and skills you can learn without going to college. Find something you're passionate about, and go down the career path that will allow you to find a job doing whatever you love.

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  7. Jessica ZwermannJuly 31, 2019 at 4:57 PM

    I would tell my daughter that whatever she decides to do, no matter what kind of career or major she wants to aim for, she needs to make sure that she has a solid job. Not only through college, but after as well, so that she isn’t stranded and trying to make ends meet on a low income. I would also tell her that the staff and advisors are her friends. Talking to them before making a decision could help her in the future. Life is hers to choose, live it to the fullest.

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  8. Kaylee ThomaJuly 31, 2019 at 5:13 PM

    I would tell my daughter that college is not for everyone. If she decided not to go to college, my only advice would be for her to go out and get a skill so she could have a good job without a degree. If she did go to college, I would tell her to go and get her general education courses out of the way before deciding on a major. I would also tell her not to stress too much about a major for the first 2 years.
    -Kaylee Thoma

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  9. Blake BennettAugust 5, 2019 at 3:40 PM

    Nobody knows what’s going to happen, that’s one thing I know. People who have gone to college or are going to college or have experienced college will try to tell you that “it isn’t scary once you’re here” or “being away from home is hard and I miss my family” and even if that is true for them, it doesn’t have to be true for you. My parents have always told me to put your trust in God, because if anyone knows your future its him. I don’t know much, but if you need any advice, making friends quickly will definitely help.

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  10. Abigail FowlerAugust 9, 2019 at 2:47 PM

    I would tell my daughter to follow her heart. It sounds very cliche, but I feel like in today's world we all assume that we need a great job and that we need a good house but I like to think that all we truly need is to enjoy the life we live. I would tell my daughter to pursue her dreams and to never worry about asking anyone for help along the way.
    -Abigail Fowler

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    1. Landen UnderwoodAugust 14, 2019 at 11:17 AM

      I feel the same way. I would tell my daughter to follow her heart. This is a difficult decision that may seem like it has a lot of potential ramifications towards her future, but as long as she decides what she believes is the best for her own future everything will work itself out. How would you let your daughter know that help is always around the corner, and all she has to do is ask?
      -Landen Underwood

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  11. Matthew BlessAugust 10, 2019 at 2:00 PM

    If I had a daughter who was about to start college, I would just tell her to go to whichever school she is most comfortable with. Wherever her decision takes her, I will always support her and her dreams.

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  12. Dixie RedmanAugust 10, 2019 at 6:35 PM

    I would tell my daughter that no matter what decision she ended up making, I would always be there to support her. So much in life depends on if you received a college degree, but traditional higher education isn't for everyone and that's perfectly fine. If she decides to go to college, then she would go. If she decided to attend a vocational school, then she would go. Regardless of what decision she made, I would want her to know that her family would always be there to support her. -Dixie Redman

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  13. Bo ThompsonAugust 10, 2019 at 10:46 PM

    I would tell her not to worry and to go into college with a positive attitude and hope to the future. The way you approach problems will change the eventual outcome. Thinking of college as a dreadful and stressful thing will only make you feel "trapped" and lost while there. I would tell her to always be open minded and optimistic, and that temporary struggles will lead to permanent comfort. I would also assure her that I would one hundred percent support her all of the way.
    - Bo Thompson

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  14. Chasey TerryAugust 11, 2019 at 4:07 PM

    I am fortunately not a first-generation college student. I have had my dad’s guidance for the whole college process. The college process has been a breeze having someone who has gone through it to help me out. I would want to be there for my daughter in the same way my dad was for me. Furthermore, I would encourage her to confide in me throughout the college process, as I would help in any way that I could. Aside from the college process, I would advise her to invite opportunities of growth, and encourage her to get involved. More importantly, I would remind her not to worry because God has it all under control (Proverbs 31:25).
    -Chasey Terry

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  15. UnknownAugust 11, 2019 at 5:46 PM

    If my daughter were fretting about the decision of whether or not to attend college, my response to her anxiety would vary depending on the degree she had chosen. If my daughter had chosen to attend a college to become an accountant like myself, then I would give her my full support and would assure her that a college degree is a worthwhile investment to make. If she is to accumulate any student debt I will be sure to lend a hand, but as an accountant she will be able to pay off most if not all of her debt herself. If my daughter were to choose a degree in art or in a field that isn't as certain to generate money to repay her debt, then I would warn her of the consequences of choosing such a degree. The arts are very important to any culture and society, and I have great respect for them, but the arts are often times not a great way to pay the bills. Either way, I will support my daughter and her decision regardless of the degree she chooses.

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    1. Darren PenningtonAugust 11, 2019 at 5:48 PM

      The above comment published by Darren Pennington

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  16. Taylor PorterAugust 12, 2019 at 10:43 AM

    In this situation I would give my daughter the advice I received from my own mother when I anxious about college. When I felt unsure of myself and my abilities of getting into any of the colleges I had applied to and hesitant of what was to come after graduating from high school my mother sat and talked with me to get me through that time. She told me about herself when she was in the very same situation. Hearing that my own mother struggled with the same issues as myself and still got through them reassured me that I to could get through it. She told me that college is not for everyone and that no matter what path in life I took that she would be there to support me. As long as I stayed true to myself and worked hard for my goals, I would accomplish any task I had in mind. These words she said to me really helped me and I plan to say the same to my own children when they start to face a similar situation.

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  17. LEVI HINSONAugust 13, 2019 at 2:15 PM

    I would tell my daughter that, in this instance, no one path is better than another. We’re all built a little differently, and whether or not she’s built for going to college shouldn’t be determined by anybody but her. Speaking from experience, I would still express the benefits of a college education to her, but not in a way that would attempt to sway her decision. We all have different paths to take and as long as whatever she chose would result in her being able to take care of herself, her decision would be up to her.

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  18. Easton BirchfieldAugust 13, 2019 at 4:43 PM

    If my daughter was hesitant or fretful about going to college, I would have a one-on-one with her and discuss what her life goals and interests were. I would lay out options to include not only various college degrees but also trade school professions and the cost of attending with or without scholarships and/or financial aid. I would also explain options about entering the work force without a degree or certification, and I would encourage her to investigate her options and interests online which will show an approximate wage or salary. Also, I would show her the cost of living to include rent, house payments, utility bills, car payments, gas, car maintenance, insurance costs, food and how anything extra like medical bills, clothing, movies would be an added cost so she could get an idea and compare to what she expects or wants to make as an independent adult. I would explain that what she wants to do with her life is her choice but that sometimes choices do not always lead to where we expect.

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  19. madison wilsonAugust 13, 2019 at 8:12 PM

    If my daughter came to me and told me that she was anxious about college, I would probably ask her why. Is she scared to choose the wrong major? If you pursue what you love, you will not have that problem. Is she scared of feeling out of place? You cannot grow if you do not put yourself out there. You have to be able to recognize when you are uncomfortable and realize that you will be better because of it. Most importantly, I would tell her that it will all work out. No pressure.

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  20. Pooja NeupaneAugust 14, 2019 at 1:52 AM

    I would tell my daughter to follow what she believes is the best for herself. As a first-generation to be able to attend school and get an actual education, my siblings and I were brought up thinking a degree is the most important thing in life. However, as I continued to grow and learn from different experiences, I realized that what we make of our lives, whether with or without a degree, is important. As I completed middle school and high school, I believed that everyone goes to college if given a chance and gets a degree. But I have realized that college is not for everyone. A person can be successful and happy with or without a degree if they work hard for it. I would tell my daughter give college a try, only if she wants to, and see if that is what she wants to do or if she wants to find something else for her. My cousin, who was also a first generation to get an education, went to college for couple of years. In those two year, he discovered that college was not for him and worked with some of our relatives in Texas. He is now a very successful business owner and operates many gas stations in Oklahoma and Texas. I would tell my daughter to follow what her heart says and do what she wants to do. I would give her my full support and help her find her passion and make something out of her life which she enjoys.

    -Pooja Neupane

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  21. AnonymousAugust 14, 2019 at 12:02 PM

    If my daughter was fretting about college, I would tell her this. God will provide and guide you through this tough transition. If college is not meant to be, then something will change in your heart. But remember, “if you want something you have never had, you have to do something you have never done.” Going to college is a new experience for everyone, but no person has ever chased their dream while staying in their comfort zone. God does not call us to be comfortable. Therefore, you must obey and follow the path he has created for you. You will find the right friends by looking in the right places. Do not fret, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Having consistent faith will help you tackle things that may seem like the biggest beats.

    Brady Pyle

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  22. Brandon PrineAugust 14, 2019 at 3:05 PM

    I am a first-generation college student, and it’s annoying. I can’t ask my parents anything about how college works, because they don’t know either. For the longest time, I didn’t even know the difference between an undergraduate and a graduate program. However, my daughter would not be a first-generation college student. I would want her to be able to make independent choices and decisions, but with all the knowledge I could provide her. For me, one of the scariest things about college is the not knowing. Sitting down and simply answering all of somebody’s questions will go a long way, so that’s what I would do for my daughter. I would inform her on everything she needs to know and wants to know, hopefully diluting her curiosity.

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  23. Seth McCaaAugust 14, 2019 at 6:27 PM

    I believe that all kids have a point in their life where they worry about the future. Depending on the environment they are raised in and the situations they are in, these thoughts may range from wondering what will be for dinner tomorrow to worrying about going to college. The level of thought that I saw from Sarah in the book as well as her ability to give an accurate account of her thoughts and feelings I found quite impressive. In handling the situation with my daughter, I have had an amazing example of what to do. Fortunately, I have had the ability to call upon my mother in these sorts of situations which has been quite helpful. As for my own daughter, I would assure her that no matter what obstacles she may face or advice she may need throughout her journey in college that she could ask me for help. I would do my best to not only verbally say that I would provide help but show it through actions that I truly had the intentions of being there for her. Having the reassurance that I would always be there for her I believe would instill a sense of safety in her.

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  24. Kaitlyn FrancoisAugust 14, 2019 at 8:44 PM

    In my opinion, I believe college isn't for everyone. If my daughter did not have that desire to go to college, I wouldn't push her. Not everyone is meant to go in the same direction. Now, I'm not saying college isn't good. There's lots of benefits and oppertunities attending a university, but I do not want to force anything on a person if their heart is not into it. On the other hand, if she is just worrying about college life or how to pay for it, I would definitely reassure her. I would tell her about my experiences, and the different ways to pay for college. Also, I would tell her that the most important aspects in college is trying your best, and remaining your true self. Don't try and conform to other things just because its the "norm." Stay true to yourself, and people will accept the realness.

    -Kaitlyn Francois

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  25. Zac WorthAugust 16, 2019 at 12:30 PM

    I would tell her to analyze her future desires and what all is required to achieve her future career dreams. Some fields don't require a college degree to enter into like real estate but however some do like becoming a teacher. Whatever path she decided to take I would tell her to take charge and outwork everyone because as Tim Notke says, "Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard." So in the end it will come down to my wife and I trusting in the years of advice and wisdom we've poured into her. We will support her and show unconditional love to her but it's her time to own her decisions.

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  26. UnknownAugust 16, 2019 at 5:14 PM

    If I had a daughter going to college, I would probably tell her what my mom has told me many times. My mom always says that she regrets not going to college, and that she always wonders how her life would be different if she did go to college instead of getting a job right after high school. This was most likely the main thing that really pushed me to go to college and get a degree unlike both of my parents.

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  27. AnonymousAugust 16, 2019 at 8:48 PM

    I would tell her to do what makes her happy. Kids often worry because they are scared of making the wrong decision. Going to college can be very stressful, but with the right support, it can help ease the mind. I have never worried about going to college because i do have a very supportive mother. Knowing that i have a safe place turn to when things get rough makes everything ten times easier. My mother never had the opportunity to go to college until her 40's. she has made sure that she has given me every opportunity that she wasn't given. This makes the entire college experience easier. I would do the same for my daughter.

    -Mary Chambless

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  28. UnknownAugust 17, 2019 at 10:01 AM

    I would tell my daughter that each person has a different path for their life. I would help her find all of her options outside of high school, including options other than college. My daughter will know that her happiness comes from her and her only, and that she should choose whatever path that will make her happy. Whether that be college, vo-tech, or something else. She will be supported no matter what path she chooses.

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    1. Noah OatesAugust 17, 2019 at 10:03 AM

      The above comment was published by Noah Oates

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  29. Garrett ClarkAugust 17, 2019 at 9:19 PM

    I would tell my daughter college is a great opportunity for her to figure out who she is and where she belongs in life. I would want her to know that I will support her in all of her endeavors. If she got to college and decided she does not want to continue I would want her to know that college is not a requirement to become successful. Many of the most successful people I personally know only have a high school degree.

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  30. UnknownAugust 17, 2019 at 11:08 PM

    I would tell my daughter that college is not for everyone -- that in fact you can be just as successful going to college as you can by not going. I would suggest that she think long and hard about her decision. An education -- even one that is not used in day to day life is a powerful tool. Education is a door opener and a game changer and quite often allows even the most mundane tasks to be completed more efficiently and effectively.

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  31. Aimee WoodAugust 18, 2019 at 10:16 AM

    If it was my daughter worrying about going to college, I would tell her that it's her decision, that she needs to do whatever will make her happy, and I would support her no matter what. But I would also remind her that she needs to think about the future and what she would want to do if she didn't go to college.
    -Aimee Wood

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  32. Ethan StricklerAugust 18, 2019 at 4:31 PM

    I would push my daughter in whatever direction would make her the happiest. If she chooses to go to college, then I would help and support her in anyway possible. If she is feeling overwhelmed at a larger university, I would show her smaller ones to see if should would be better off there. My daughter my not even want to go to college, which is perfectly fine. I would show her trade schools, which could allow her to for fill her dreams. I would just try to make her as happy and successful as possible, to ensure she has the best life possible.

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  33. UnknownAugust 18, 2019 at 5:58 PM

    I would want to express the importance of not only degree but the experiences you get in college. In college you are more likely to face adversity, especially when you input yourself into extra curriculares. As I go through college, I realise how limited time is when you want to play a sport, be an honors student, pursue another passion, and have time for friends, sleep and so on. Everyday means another opportunity and college is another opportunity that I would want her to take. Also, if money is a problem then she needs to understand that there are so many different ways that we can make this happen. Savings, scholarships, and FAFSA are just a few examples. I want her to feel confident that her parents are going to help her open doors that she will forever be grateful she took.

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  34. terah abramsAugust 18, 2019 at 9:38 PM

    Having grown up knowing I would be responsible for educating myself on how to pursue my dreams, higher education, and opportunities, I would only have three words for my daughter: stay younger longer. My family knew nothing about higher education or what it took for me to pursue my dreams. Due to this, I was constantly researching and fretting on exactly how my future would lay out for me. I had every little detail planned. At a young age, I lost my childhood due to my own worries and stress about what was to come. I would tell my daughter that the worries of tomorrow will still be here tomorrow. Take in being young. Enjoy it. You don’t get this time back.

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  35. Ruth HermanAugust 18, 2019 at 9:58 PM

    Go, pursue your dreams. I will support you the best I can, but if I can contribute nothing else, I hope my unconditional support of you will do. Stay true to yourself. Do not compromise your morals, and do all to the best of your ability. If this is where you are meant to go, the Lord will make a way.

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  36. Zachary KeeseeAugust 18, 2019 at 11:30 PM

    I think that I would tell my daughter that first of all, college is not as scary as it seems. It is common to think that your professors will fail you at the slightest mistake and that you always have to be perfect. But that is simply just not the case. They are actually very helpful and are willing to work with you in a lot of different ways, and really go the extra mile for you. I would also say to not be afraid to get out of your comfort zone. There are so many things to do in college. There are a million different clubs and activities to do on a daily basis. There are more new faces around than you could possibly count. I would say to not take it for granted, because college only happens once. Don’t spend every day cooped up inside doing nothing. Lastly, I would say to always stay on top of your work. One day here and there of not doing it can set you way behind. Just don’t get lazy!

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  37. Preston MilliganAugust 23, 2019 at 11:14 AM

    If I had a daughter worrying about leaving the house to attend college, I would remind her of who she is and who she belongs to. I would tell her that she is stronger than she thinks and that no matter what happens I will always love her. While I would fully endorse and push my child to take full advantage of the opportunity to attend an establishment to further her education, I would ultimately love her regardless if she chose to or not. Children will always need a stable, caring relationship with their parents no matter how old they get. A soon to be college freshman with this love from their parents would most likely be able to take on the situation of moving away much easier. Sarah Smarsh, the author, for the most part did not have this kind of support system growing up. If so many of the struggles she faced, internally or externally, could have been solved much easier.

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  38. Charles BrooksAugust 28, 2019 at 2:36 AM

    If I had a daughter that was about to start college, I would make sure she is prepared for life as an adult. This will allow her to be less intimidated by colleges away from home. If she wanted to live on her own during college, I would teach her how to live on her own before she has to. She would be taught the basic needs of living before she moved out so she could focus on her personal work, as well as, school work. Also, I would try to inform her on how to live with a realization of today’s society. I would tell her that college is supposed to be stressful I would help her learn how to be organized so she can start college with the knowledge of everything that comes with the college experience. I would help her make her decisions so she can stay up to date with the many due dates that come and I would reassure her that it is okay to be intimidated because the transition from high school to college if very confusing with everything being thrown at you at once. She will know that she has a house beyond her typical living situation and I will always provide for her if she can not provide for herself. I will also remind her of how lucky she is to have a supportive family because some do not.

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  39. Kristen CurryAugust 28, 2019 at 8:43 AM

    I would tell my daughter to do exactly what I do now while attending college. That is to think about what it is she wants to achieve while there and her future goals thereafter. Whatever it may be, I would tell her to allow them to drive her to excel and accomplish them all. I would tell her to plan to towards each of them instead of fretting. Fretting just drains the whole experience and it's much less enjoyable then. Always stay mentally present. That's how you will get the most and achieve most of what you're going there to do, but most importantly, allow yourself the opportunity to enjoy the adventure.

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  40. Chioma UkwuOctober 25, 2019 at 11:27 PM

    I would tell her that it is normal to be anxious about doing something new, especially a huge decision as attending college, but she should not allow it to weigh her down. I would encourage her to look at the bigger picture and see going to college as a baby step. I would tell her how anxious i was too especially moving to a new country on my own. Then i would tell her if I could do it, so she could do so and be better than i was. I would go on to tell her that college education is very important for any career path she would want to take because it would open her to bigger opportunities and give her more credibility in her profession.

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