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| "Poisoning of Queen Matejko" by Jan Matejko (1838-1893) |
Can you describe a moment in your life in which a friend celebrated one of your successes in a way that was fully satisfying and affirming for you?
Alternatively, can you describe a moment in your life when success led to feelings of loneliness or isolation?
Have you ever seen classmates unfairly describe a successful person as arrogant, "stuck up," "full of themselves"?
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ReplyDeleteBoth my roommate and I were lucky enough to have very successful first years at college. We encouraged each other to pursue our goals and when those goals were achieved we were each other’s biggest cheerleaders. We acted like proud mothers when it came to showing off the achievements of one another! For me, it was very affirming that my friend would celebrate my achievements with me but that hasn't always happened with other friends. I think that my roommate and I can celebrate each other so easily because we are not trying to achieve the same things. We don't compete for the same scholarships, internships, etc. In other friendships, it has been harder to be happy for each other because if one of us succeeded it felt like the other one had failed. -Kate Draper
ReplyDeleteI completely agree Kate! I was also lucky enough to have a super supportive roommate who always cheered me on and vice versa. It really does make your successes sweeter when you have friends behind you. Alternatively, it is no fun to achieve something you are proud of you without the support of your peers. I often saw this challenge while playing sports, since players are always competing for positions. In that situation, (in one way at least) your success really is someone else’s failure. This makes it easy to tear each other down. For the majority of my career, I was lucky enough to play on a very supportive team who worked consciously to build each other up. However, I can see how competitive sports could facilitate this kind of behavior.
ReplyDeleteI can easily recall multiple instances of my personal success leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation. For example, my teammates don't like it very much when I finish first in conditioning. If I were to set new personal records, they would be upset that I'm "trying so hard" and "making them look bad". Instances of people being as happy as myself about my personal success is much more rare. And often times, it includes only my parents. My mom and dad never resent me for excelling in anything, whether its soccer, school, or friendships. I do believe there are cases that are a mix of the two. For example, if I score a goal, that is a personal success, and my teammates are happy for me. The difference is that my success leads to their success. They may not be able to say that they scored, but they can say that their team won.
ReplyDeleteTessa Neeley
I was lucky enough to grow up in a family full of bright and talented individuals, but sadly we were compared to each other in our successes. For example my sister took easier classes in high school and had a job, while I took harder classes and participated in extracurricular activities. We were constantly compared when I had a better grade than she did or vise versa. This led to arguments between the two of us because we were trying to validate ourselves. I am sure my sister thought more than once that I was “full of myself” because I was overly proud that I had done better than her. It is hard to be happy for those who do better than you when it is viewed as a competition.
ReplyDeleteI had a best friend in high school that was in a very fixed mindset about her academics. We were very close and had many things in common, but I always put in much more effort than her. I always really enjoyed school so I took many AP classes and loved the strain it put on me to complete all of the challenging assignments. I loved her but she would like to poke fun at the amount of time I would spend on my schoolwork. I definitely don't think that she meant to hurt my feelings, but was more of an effort to make herself not feel so bad for not giving 100%. It would then make me feel a little guilty even though I knew that I was doing nothing wrong and it was her own fault that she didn't care enough to spend four hours on a paper or go after class to ask a question. I have made some really amazing friends my first year of college who love to learn just as much as I do. They are constantly studying with me and it is often I who is spending less time on a project. It is a really great feeling to be surrounded by people with such similar investments in academics.
ReplyDeleteKay'Lee Maddox
My brother and I are two very different individuals, and I would also say that we're both very hardworking. My brother spends hours practicing for football and working out; I use my free time for reading or academics. Whereas I never particularly never excelled at sports, my brother has fallen flat many a times academically. We would often get into fights when my parents would compare us, saying that he lacked my academic ability, or that I lacked his passion for sports. We were never celebrating each other's successes because we were too caught up in showing the other up, and then getting angry when the other succeeded. It can be very lonely when you isolate yourself from someone and make everything a competition. I would say most of these successes were isolated and forgotten because no one was affirming them. I was so used to this kind of success that it became my norm.
ReplyDeleteEmily Knight