"Beethoven's Ear Trumpet with ear, opus #132" (2007) by John Baldessari
According to Grant, "Psychologists recommend practicing [the skill of listening empathically] by sitting down with people whom we sometimes have a hard time understanding. The idea is to tell them that we're working on being better listeners, we'd like to hear their thoughts, and we'll listen for a few minutes before responding" (158).
This is another challenge that requires action.
Sit down with someone you have a hard time understanding. Tell them you're working on being a better listener. Try to deploy the listening techniques described in this chapter.
Don't divulge the details of the conversation, but describe what it felt like for you as a listener. How long did you listen? What was the hardest part of this exercise?
I sat down with this girl in my school that I tend to have many arguments with and she talking about the democratic party. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever done seeing as I am a strong conservative. It was really hard to be a listener especially to something I disagree with. But I felt that I did a good job. I tried to see from her perspective. The hardest part of this exercise was not interjecting every time that she said something. She would say a sentence and it my head I would say "Well actually" but I held it in because that's what we are all saying to ourselves and one of us has to be wrong. So why not hear both sides then determine what I think is "Actually" the truth.
ReplyDeleteI sat down with someone that I once used to be very very close with. We spoke about our past, and the arguments we'd previously had that drove us apart. In the past, when I had talked to them to try and rekindle things I often found myself, honestly, speaking too much rather than just listening to what they had to say. This exercise was difficult for me because I'm not used to being so passive in any conversation, I like being more of the instigator. My friend and I spoke for the longest time that we have in years, about 3 straight hours. I think that moving forward, it will help rekindle the closeness we once had. Listening helped me facilitate a conversation I likely wouldn't have had otherwise.
ReplyDelete- Cas Northcutt
I actually did this exercise accidentally. I have a long and complicated relationship with an old friend of mine. Our relationship had grown toxic and it took me a long time to realize that and break things off with him. He eventually moved and situations arose to where we had to speak to one another again, I hardly said anything through our twenty minute phone call. It was very surreal, I listened and tried to see where he was coming from, but it just felt as if the traits I hadn't deemed right just worsened, his world view had become so clouded, it was hard to process and hard to hear. Looking back on this answer I'm not sure if this is what you want, but it feels right.
ReplyDelete-Mickeal Friend
DeleteThe conversation I had ended up being pretty emotional so I won't really reveal the contents in that conversation. However, being the listener felt really good. I've always tried my best to be the listener in any conversation, but when I sat down and tried some of those techniques, it just really enhanced the bond with that other person and allowed for a deeper connection as well as me understanding and being much more empathy toward them. The hardest part for me was trying not to interject at all, especially because I'm a very talkative person. It really did change my perspective on a lot of things though, and I hope ill be able to have that sort of feeling and connection again.
ReplyDelete(158) I regularly talk to a girl with ADHD and severe separation anxiety. The reason I chose to talk with her was because I do not have either of these obstacles in my life, so I have a different understanding in my life for certain things like being able to focus on task at hand without zoning out for example. She was quick to tell me that the obstacles do hinder her in some ways, but they also help her be more compassionate for others that are less fortunate. I decided to let her vent to me and for me to just retain her feelings and allow them to soak for the full effect to set in. She decided to talk again the next day about my thoughts and I had a new found respect for those who have obstacles in their lives because it is not as easy as it is for those who do not have these obstacles. Britt Bradstreet
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